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[dburt]

Sometimes we detacheth too much.

Burt

[OnceBurdened]

Sometimes we detacheth too much.

Burt

Maybe but last time I weakened my stance she took advantage of it.

[TrentC]

You're not going to get anywhere if you aren't willing to take a risk.

If she breaks the boundary again, then tell her that you're not willing to pursue anything but D unless OM is gone, gone, gone.

[Gnosis]

OB I've been following along since you started this thread...

7 days ago:

Tough Love, let her work on it, keep focus and lend an ear not a hand -yet.

Sometimes we detacheth too much.

Not yet.
Just yesterday:

Just got served!

And people are saying THIS:

Sometimes we detacheth too much.

Not yet! OB is not even half-way there. Wanna know why? Look at who he talks about in his posts...

You're not going to get anywhere if you aren't willing to take a risk. If she breaks the boundary again, then tell her that you're not willing to pursue anything but D unless OM is gone, gone, gone.

Trent the boundary IS STILL BROKEN...

I'm GALin' tonite, gonna grab a hotel room. Leave her in her mess alone.

But you didn't GAL did ya? Nope... being holed up in a hotel room doesn't count.

With that... OB I'd advise you stay at least another 24 hours in your "safe haven." You're still reacting at the moment. The two things you can do different tonight are:

1) Go out and enjoy yourself. (With friends, a movie... whatever)
2) SWITCH OFF YOUR PHONE. You don't need to talk to her. She needs to get the message loud and clear... you have nothing to say to her at this point in your life. She has made her choices and taken action. You do the same.

It it TOO SOON to be talking, much less thinking about dating her. You let her bubble in her stew for a while longer. You are the 4C's around her. Anything she says or does for the next week... means nothing... and doesn't affect you.

If she wants to talk... look at her and say, "At this point in time, I have nothing to say to you, neither am I interested in anything you have to say. When I feel like talking I'll let you know."

HOLD THE LINE.

There are consequences to her actions. Let her live them while you enjoy your life. The D filing is not the end... it's a quarter-way down the road. You still have 75% of the journey to get through and the destination has not been finalized.

Hope this helps you.

[OnceBurdened]

I kinda made a trade tonite for Friday Nite.

She said she was exhausted and wanted to leave and goto a girlfriends house, (GF's sister committed suicide today) and be with her. So I said that was fine if I can go out Friday.

Friday she IS moving out.

She said " I want us to get thru this and be stronger than ever"

I gave her the I'm confused.

She said " WOW, that I didn't expect. Do you think you'll do something, or something will happen - bad I mean, why did you say that?"

I said " I don't know, did you start the last seperation thinking you were going to do something?"

She said " No of course not"

I said "I can't gaurantee you anything, the way I'm feeling now is - it's 58 more days, I'll stay in touch, gotta go"

[OnceBurdened]

But you didn't GAL did ya? Nope... being holed up in a hotel room doesn't count.

SHE didn't know what I was doing. Until @ 2 am. I told her I was getting tired of people telling me my phone was lighting up in the bar and I kept walking into bathroom to talk to her.

Used Robx's advice - ILLUSION.

But I do hear ya. And I really appreciate the input.

[luvless]

She said " WOW, that I didn't expect. Do you think you'll do something, or something will happen - bad I mean, why did you say that?"

I said " I don't know, did you start the last seperation thinking you were going to do something?"

She said " No of course not"

This is confusing - care to elaborate?

[OnceBurdened]

luvless,

We seperated the first time for about 3mos., she needed space, than she had an A. That is the "something" she is questioning me about.

I think it is also, because upto this point I would have said yes i want us to get thru this and have a better marriage also.

Instead I said - "I'm confused"

She expected me to jump back on the it'll be alright train and I didn't.

Does that help?

[SDFoundGirl]

But...she served you, right? Why would she be looking for confirmation that everything is going to be alright?

I mean, what did she expect when she served you at work?

These aliens and their fog!

SD

[OnceBurdened]

But...she served you, right? Why would she be looking for confirmation that everything is going to be alright?

I mean, what did she expect when she served you at work?

These aliens and their fog!

SD

Exactly, what did she expect!-

Well from her reaction of crying and telling me to stop and wait and I can't do this and everything else she said i think she expected me to call her crying, telling her to stop, etc..

The problem was her plan did not account for me finally detaching and allowing her choices to be her choices and her consequences. I can tell you she doesn't like it right now at all.

She is going out of her way NOW, to try to put the glimmer of hope back into our R.

I wanna see a thousand points of light before I fully recommit.

I deserve it.