Is this piecing?

[Freckle6]

"Now I am focusing on changing myself and H will either join me or not. If not, i'll have a new R someday without verbal abuse."

That is the entire point! Make yourself into a woman who deserves, and won't settle for less than, a loving and respectful relationship. Hopefully it's H that is there with you and betters himself so that he's worthy of you.

I know how scary it is--raising a little boy alone, money, etc. I didn't have a job when my H left. I had a part time job lined up that was to start a few months later (my town clerk job b/c my MIL was retiring and I was being appointed to fill in), but I had nothing then and didn't see a way at all to be able to support myself and my son. H split his pay with me for about 6 months and suddenly decided he was just paying what he was obligated to for child support. I scrambled looking for another part time job and after 4 months finally got one in a grocery that would work for me and I still work there almost 4 years later.

We get by. By our teeth and I pinch pennies until they scream, but it's been very empowering to know that I've done it. But I won't lie and say the easing of the money issue hasn't crossed my mind if we reconcile. I'm supposed to pay him his 50% of our equity at the end of 2011 too per our D agreement. It's only 9k which is probably pennies in CA, but this part of NY--housing is very low cost. I had planned to try to put away most of my tax refund this year and next for it and somehow come up with whatever I was lacking by the end of the year. I still plan to do that this year because I don't know what will happen and I want to be prepared. But yeah, $$ does enter in my mind.

Bleh. It sucks. Winning lottery tickets for us all!