H suddenly moved out 10 days ago...I'm devastated

[Awoken]

flowmom,

I'm sorry you've found a need to be here, but I know you'll get great support from the wonderful people here. I'm gonna post a long reply for you; I really just want to offer you my support. I'm still rather new here, but the veterans should be along to give you the best advice.

What a great first post you made; I know you must be suffering terribly like we all are, and those first weeks are the worst. Thank you for making your thread easy to read and understand.

H is now saying "the spark is gone", "I bear you no ill will", "I have no motivation to work on our marriage", "if you were going to change, why didn't you 4 years ago, 3 years ago, 2 years ago, or 1 year ago?". He blames all of his unhappiness on our marriage problems, which I don't believe is realistic.

I know you getting coaching, and I hope you have been reading DB or DR. These things your H are saying, seem to be the same thing all the WAS's say. I think they are trying to shift the responsibility away from themselves, to justify what they are doing. Prepare for what he says to get worse, as he rewrites the history of your M.

but since he's moved out I've kept an even keel and maintained a very calm demeanour.

That's great; good work, and keep it up! It will be better for YOU.

I'm shocked, devastated, and heartbroken. I love him and I've been 100% committed since day 1, even though I have regrets about not taking the right steps to deal with his problems with me. My kids adore him and it breaks my heart that they will soon understand that our normal family life is over (we've been vague so far).

oh, I'm so sorry flowmom. Especially about what you say about your kids. At least you can be there to show them how to handle this with dignity and honor.

I guess LRT is my only hope, and I'm worried that it's a false hope

I understand about hope; it's what keeps us going. Still, keep in mind what DB'ing is truly about. You need to work on FlowMom, not your M. So that no matter what the outcome, you will be a better Flowmom in the end.

I think that any niceness on my part will be taken as a bonus by my H, like "well, she's making this easy for me"

Don't worry about what H thinks. Don't mind read him. You are being nice to him, you are being polite because that it is the right thing to do; because it is what a good parent does. Your verbal appreciation should come from a place of sincerity, not because you are trying to save your M. In other words, it doesn't matter what your husband thinks.

And GAL will be tough as it's been hard for me to carve out something for myself with the parenting pressures that I've been under.

Yes, GAL is tough, and you do have extra pressures. You can do it! Take some small steps at first, and do them for yourself, not to save the M. I think GAL can be easier if you figure out what you really want for yourself. I know this sounds like being selfish, but taking care of flowmom is really setting a great example for your kids.

Hang in there.