No I did not tell her that....We are divorced......She can do as she pleases.....I don't see that I have a whole lot of say as to what she does.....But, to answer your question, no I will not share her....She can do as she pleases and so will I.....If at some point, something draws us back together, we will see, but as of now, she has made it clear, she wants no serious relationships....I will honor that.....At least she is done with the jerk she was dating....At least for now....
Well, I'm still struggling with things, but feeling better....Ex-W has really been kind of distant lately as I guess I have too....We have had a couple of convos lately strictly about kids and money....we are pleasant to each other, but there is no real interaction as there was...
She still says she is not seeing OM, but did have a date with another guy the other night....she said that she wants no relationship with anyone....Wants to be selfish for once in her life and do what she wants to do....Excuse me, but I think the selfish part has been ongoing for awhile now....I do believe she is searching for someone that is going to make her happy....
Anyway, The lady I was seeing, contacted me the other night and we went out to dinner...It was nice and we agreed we would see each other some, but not lrt things get as serious as they were....She said that is all she wants right now and understands what i am going through....I will admit, it was nice to see her and with time, I can see something happening with us....We will see and i am in no hurry...
Anyway, I am going to move on with my life and let the ex live hers....BTW, as I was leaving the other day, she said ILY and I just turned and said thanks and went on about my way....I wanted to say it back, but did not....I am slowly geting to the point that it is not all about her....She has made this decision, she will ahve to live with it....My main concern right now is me and my boys.....It is hard, but I know I must do this...
Guess she is satisfied to love you from a distance. She's right....she's being selfish. That is what our society seems to be teaching people....to think of themselves and be selfish.
I know it must have been very painful to hear her say what she did, but maybe you can have some sort of closure now and move forward. She made her choice.....not a good one and not mature, but it's hers.
Hope you'll keep coming as long as you feel the need. You could be some help to Newcomers.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Man, I'm telling you, I think I have figured things out and then something else happens.....This is her weekend with the boys...They are both going to a church retreat for the weekend so she is pretty much free for the weekend....
She is planning on hanging out with her sister tonight....Her sister has recently had her heart broken by the guy she was seeing, so they are going to hang out and watch movies and drink...I'm glad she is taking time with her sister because they have not alwyas been that close....
Here's the kicker though....She is interested in us doing something Sat night.....I think I know where this is coming from....She is lonely since things fell through with OM and she is not close enough to the guy she had the date with to have him at her beck and call, so here I am.....Plus, I really believe that she is missing not having sex and is not ready for that with the guy she just stared dating, so she is thinking that we might could just jump in bed for old times sake....I may be overthinking things way too much, but it sure seems this way to me....
As I said, I am at a point now that I really don't see things working out for us and not sure that I want them to....There have not been enough changes in either one of us....That being said, sex between us was always great....I'm having a hard time thinking that if it actually did come to that why not just take her up on it....
Is it possible for us to do that with no feelings or will it just open up a whole can of worms....I sit here and say that I could do it and that it won't bother me, but how will I feel about her afterwards....Not sure what to make of all this...Actually, I think I do know the answers, but it still does not stop me from thinking WTH, just go for it and worry about it later...
Send the 2x4's this way...Know they are deserved.....
You are still being her puppet! When are you going to cut those stings she controls? Man, she is using you, don't you get that???
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I'm having a hard time thinking that if it actually did come to that why not just take her up on it....
It's worse than being a "stud". At least there's money involved when hiring out.
You are D from this woman. If it would be that easy to talk yourself into going to bed with her (if invited), then what's the deal with not sleeping with the OW? You didn't want to get serious about OW.....but you are trying to make this sound as if "Hey, it's no big deal, It's just sex between an old D couple."
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Is it possible for us to do that with no feelings or will it just open up a whole can of worms....I sit here and say that I could do it and that it won't bother me, but how will I feel about her afterwards....
She obviously has no problem doing it (according to her past record) without any feelings be affected......but you OTOH will definitly have feelings to get in the way.
Tell me something. If you are suppose to be trying to stay dark.....how did you know all this stuff about her plans and wishes for the weekend?
Why aren't you the one out there having a great time instead of sitting at home hoping she'll call in for "room service".
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Hey Sandi, thanks for keeping a check on me.....It does help and I promise I do hear what you are trying to tell me...
The weekend did not go off as planned....She and her sister hung out Friday night and apparently drank alot....She sent me a text Saturday afternoon saying she was very hung over and wanting to know did I want to get together....I sent back a text saying I already had plans, so no I did not.....I actually had made plans and really had a good time....
She did not ask what I was doing and i did not ask her what she had been up to....We talked a minute yesterday and none of it came up....It is still hard, but I am finally seeing that she is not what she used to be....
My youngest son told me yesterday that he was ashamed of her...Said he didn't like the fact he had a mother and an aunt that were trying to act like teenagers again....Breaks my heart for both my sons, but nothing I can do about it....Told him that was his mom and he should love her no matter what....He said he did, but he did not respect her....He also told me I was crazy for breaking things off with my lady friend....He said she treats us all better than his mom does....
Still not sure where things are going with her, but it is becoming very clear where things are going with my ex....It is sad, and I still feel things could be good for us again, but she is all about having fun and not answering to anyone....Not much to build a relationship on....I do love her, but right now I feel sorry for her....Thanks again for checking on me...
Been a while since i posted.....My mom passed away last week...Been a rough few weeks dealing with her illness and death....
Not sure what is going on with my ex....She has really been great in helping to care for my mom and being there for my dad....Dad wanted her to be with the family during the funeral....My mom would have wanted that too and the boys needed her there....
We have spent quite a bit of time together and it has gone fairly well....There were no R talks because there have just been too many emotions flying around....She did say it felt good to have us all together as a family and that she had missed that...
As far as i know, she is still not seeing the guy she had been dating...We talked the other night and she said that she does not want to have a relationship with anyone....She just wants to be able to go and do as she wants with no one to answer to....Said she had a couple of dates with a guy, but waht she really wanted was to be friends....Talked about how a guy usually wants to have sex about the third date and she did not want that.....
She really opened up about how she felt towards the end of our marriage....How she felt that she tried so hard to make things good and I never heard her when she said things were bad....She also told me how it got to the point that she dreaded me coming home and did not want to go to bed with me....Alot of what she said hurt pretty bad, but I have already owned up to most of the problems I caused in the marriage....
I know not to read too much into any of this and she said she really wants to have this time to herself without any pressure....She said she had felt pressure from me and the guy she had been dating.....I asked her point blank to tell me that we were done and that she did not want to try again....She said she could not say that....
She did say that there were so amny things that she needed to work on and that she was going to start going to counseling...She also said there were many things that i needed to work on myself.....I do agree with that....She said things could not just go back together and be happy...It would take alot of work and we would have to be willing to do it and that there would have to be alot of counseling....
As I said, I am not reading anything into this.....She does seem more at peace with things and is trying to make herself happy without depending on someone else to do it....The last thing she told me was this: "I have thought about marriage to the OM and he would tomorrow, but I see that would probably be a mistake, besides I can't imagine being married to anyone but you." She said let's agree to work on ourselves and see where that leads....
Not sure how to feel about all of this, but I am going to work really hard on me....Whatever she does is up to her...
