Good job Rocked! Next time something comes up you won't lose your cool first, you'll just handle things calmly and cooly.
I'm glad he understood that throwing around leaving is neither appropriate or acceptable. That's just not something he can continue to do if you are working on building a future. Perhaps you need to set a consequence for crossing that boundary. I like the way Coach has laid it out: "When you do X it makes me feel Y. If you continue to do it I will Z."
If you love somebody, set them free. http://tinyurl.com/2empx2g
Not losing the cool - taking time away to calm down - then coming back and communicating clearly - it's a simple notion but very hard to do. It is essential to a good relationship, especially one with past traumas. Good for you for standing up for yourself!
Pearl... that is a good idea. I will need to think about that... I do think he got the message loud and clear though. Just after I posted that I got a text "sorry again about last night". That is not usual behavior for H so he knows that was a biggie.
Well a 2 cents that when biggies like that no longer take on the complexion of coming on top of what happpened in he past - that's when you know the skeletons are well and truly buried. At least that's what some the the senior couples in Retro tell me . I kinda believe them.
You couldn't have handled that much better rocked .
P.S. you could think of Puppy when praying for OW's dog.
Me 42 W 39 Married: 11 Jan 1998, T: Since 1992 First Bomb: Sep 2007 Confirmed A/OM: 4 Nov 2007 Kids: D10, S5 Reconciled and together again after (alot of) time and heartbreak. 3rd kid, S, born 2 Jan 2010.
RW- it sounds like you handled yourself wonderfully yesterday!!! When you think of how you might have handled that a few months ago, it has GOT to make you feel proud of how fare you have come!!!
M48 H53 M16 T18 S16 D13 SS30 H drops bomb PA/8-30-09 H leaves 12-30-09 D filed by H 2-10 H asks to come home 4-11 Piecing
I had some more bad dreams about OW last night. Apparently was making noises in my sleep. H told me this morning he tossed and turned all night feeling bad, knowing what I was dreaming about. So, he held me this morning and apologized again for what he said the other night. Said he does not want me to live in fear. He reassured me that he is not going anywhere, unless I "boot him out" because he needs me and plans to do everything he can to show me that for as many years as we have left on this earth. Just what I needed, and a good start to the day!
Blooming well done Rocked, fab response to his rather unfair and spiteful retort, its extremely hard to take a step back and breathe and then deal with it with reknewed insight. I cant believe how much it changes the way we are perceived and the reactions we get from our H's we probably wouldnt have believed it unless we had experienced it for ourselves.
Thanks for your input on my thread good to have my feelings confirmed that team work is the way to go, managed to sound out a few finance ideas for the future with H tonight so feel good about where its going if only it would get going lol! ((RW))
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W 47 H 47 M 24 T 30
Once lost but now found and happily married again!
So, he held me this morning and apologized again for what he said the other night. Said he does not want me to live in fear. He reassured me that he is not going anywhere, unless I "boot him out" because he needs me and plans to do everything he can to show me that for as many years as we have left on this earth. Just what I needed, and a good start to the day!
FABULOUS!!!! He really heard your feelings and your boundary the other day and continued to be supportive and compassionate.
From where I sit in my sitch, I can only dream of such a response. And dream I will. He was really there for you = comforting you and owning up to his part in all this and showing your value. YOU DESERVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It is true that he really does seem to be getting it. Now what we struggle with is that his guilt and remorse can be so bad somedays that he gets extremely depressed. I am working on getting him open to thinking about meds. In the meantime he still is in IC so that's good.
I hope you do get those responses you need in the very near future!
. I kinda believe them.
