Its been a long long time but you all are always in my thoughts. Gosh you guys have all been there for me over the months that how could I ever forget any of you. I wish you all the best - peace of mind, love, and happiness for 2010!!!
Just a quick update... things with h and I are going so/so. We're definitely spending a lot of time together and enjoying each other's company but we sure have had our share of disagreements over this sitch over the past couple of weeks. But I am working to not make arguments a regular thing in our home since my goal is really to have peace in my home. I want my home to be a placed of peace and refuge no matter what. So ow had child #2, omg I can't believe I'm writing this after all these years. It's definitely a complicated situation since kids are involved. For me emotionally, one would think that I would be devastated, but I'm really not that much. I already know H had moved out and lived with her and that was kind of harder. But moreso, I feel really sad for ow these days. She is so young to be left to care for 3 children with little going for herself. I actually feel really sad that she's made these choices for her life. H of course is still in contact, but the contact with her is much different. Much more limited than before but I can't say I'm confident on how things will go b/c H does have history of ping ponging, so you never know. For now, I'm just trying to live, enjoy each other, and not give him reasons to run. If he wants to then that's on him. Not to say we don't argue and I don't stand up for myself, that won't be me, but I at least am trying to have a decent relationship. But its hard.
We did Retrouville and have been running into trouble with continuing the program. I think H is not putting the time in to doing the work that the program requires and its driving me insane. So that has even been a source of arguments for us.
But for the most part, things are good. But we're still struggling, which is expected. I'm still struggling with not being paranoid and to trying to trust him and he's not being as open as he needs to me. It appears from all evidence that he's hasn't been visiting ow and the kids on a regular like before - he does stop by to see the baby and son, but sometimes when he's out with friends I just want him to check in more but I also don't want to be too mothering so its bit hard at times. He would call at times adn then not but although he would fill me in on his whereabouts when I ask, I wish he would proactively do it. Anyway, I know these would have been an issue with us even without the ow thing to deal with.
But otherwise, I am ok. Excited about 2010!! Still have plans to make some babies this year, will see how that goes. But all in all, I'm trying to focus on Vicky enjoying life in 2010.
