WAW and 4 kids

[tryingtilDorR]

Thanks Tridoc. Things are certainly changing and limbo seems to be lifting but not sure in which direction. I set some things in motion when I contacted OM's quasi-GF a month ago, and my recent change in stance about having an open relationship has stirred the pot some more for sure.

I found out later that she talked to my S18 about some of the surveillance techniques I used to uncover her A. I told her that our kids don't need to know any of that stuff unless they accidentally overheard us arguing or something. Also, she said she talked to him about S arrangements as if she and I had agreed to them and I told her that she cannot talk to our kids about anything that she and I haven't agreed upon first as far as future plans.

Due to the fact that I told her that I now accept that we have an open relationship in order to let go of her and prevent more arguments about her behavior, she accused me of being 'crazy' for suddenly letting this go and for other things (surveillance/snooping techniques used to uncover EA and contacting OM's GF).

TDR: "I did what I did (surveillance/snooping) because I didn't want to share my wife with another man and out of love for my family. I may have been a little crazy, but it was only because I cared about these things."

TDR: "Put yourself in my shoes just for a minute and you might understand why I did things. I am done with all of that stuff now and it is behind me. You are free."

I got the nicest text messages from her today after this - I hadn't heard her like this in a long time:

W: "TDR, I am so sorry for everything. I know you worked hard to provide nice things for your family and you did that well. It is just that you and I grew apart years ago and not just in the past year (since EA)." <she blames my focus on my career for our M problems and I tell her I was just trying to provide but agree>

W: "I have never and have not said anything bad about you to our kids. They love you. You are their father. I expect the same in return. The love me and I am their mother."

W: "I feel awful about hurting you in this way (EA) and wish we had separated in 2008 (before EA). I am not telling people you are crazy" <in response to her telling me I am crazy for digging into info on OM, and some of the books I have read and other things I have done to cope>

W: "D16 just left for her driving test" (D16 is getting her drivers license today - W never texts me unprompted about stuff)

It all may be nothing, but it is interesting to note. The change is that since she took off the wedding ring I told her I didn't care about what she did in her personal life anymore and am done. Last night she fought me on this point "nobody can just not care overnight - you are going crazy" but I stood my ground and also refused to argue with her over the past.

I just want a peaceful situation in my home until she leaves.