I don't disagree with your thinking. IMHO, it's healthy. You have set the boundary, bent it a bit to accommodate her and she will not honor her part of the bargain. For that there are consequences.
For what it's worth, I'd say go for the AZ job. It will offer your D more life opportunities than Hawaii. I have a relative who studied for a year there and she mentioned that she was bored stiff over there after a while. (Besides the surfing... the place is infested with honeymooning couples etc)
