Don't know where to post this.

[Dudess]

I have some good names looking at this thread. Puppy, Trentc, Gnosis, gucci, robx. I have been following threads where you have all posted and I admire you all. That being said I would love to hear from Dudess again, smartcookie, or sandi2.

Keep in mind that I did not have an affair so it is hard for me to understand that part of your situation. My H certainly failed to validate me as a woman after we married, not by saying anything negative about my appearance, but by neglect. I felt invisible to him.

I was tempted by men who flirted with me and I had opportunities to cheat. I just knew that I wouldn't feel good about myself if I did that. Furthermore, I really didn't want anything to do with the kind of man who would have an affair with a married woman, even if it was me, so that pretty much ruled it out right there.

All I know for sure the om is not about sex it is about the other validation. I know that if I tell her no more she will go to him as she would think I wanted to control her.

I think you are right that she will be very sensitive to anything she perceives as control. That is why it is crucial that you set boundaries, for YOU, and let her make her own choices about what she does.

If I pull away from her she will go to him and not come back because of fear of abandonment and stupid pride. She does not like to be wrong or look a fool.

Are you sure the fear of abandonment would work that way? Her OM sounds like a loser and you sound like the far more stable, and far less likely to abandon man.

I will start by giving her the validation she needs.


Also maybe think about giving her validation for other qualities she has in addition to her appearance.

As long as you show how weak you are by allowing your wife to share herself with two men you are doomed.

I GUARANTEE you that she isn't going to come back and dump the OM as long as you allow her to cake eat. How silly of you..


You want to prove to your wife who the better man is?

Then show her how much you respect yourself by SHOWING her that you love yourself enough that not only will you let her go, but that you think it to be for the best because three people in a relationship doesn't work.


The guy that will win her here is the guy thta shows her he doesn't need her.... I would take my chances on being that guy.

I can't recall the last time I saw a reconcilation happen when the BS fought to be the better man. It doesn't work.

Are you sure gucci?

She was ready to dump him twice until I acted as if I did not need her.

I don't think you need to act as if you don't need her in order to say "I will not share you with another man." Perhaps it could be presented as you do love her, want her, need her, but another party will doom the relationship and it is just too painful for you to know that she is with another.

I cut off her cake eating once and she ran away so fast it made my head spin.

How did you go about that? Did you also begin to do stuff to make her jealous at the same time?