This morning Mrs. T Apologized, promised it would never happen again (I made it clear that I won't tolerate it), and retracted her statements from the previous day.
She said "I want to stay married" and "I want to try to work on the M" - both things she has never said before. She agreed to work on her anger with her C.
This time, Thinker...make her prove it with actions or leave her to her misery.
My .02
Greek
Me45 H46 T25 M22 S21 & 19 D13 Separated and filed 8/08 Moved home 11/08
And now a text reaponse from mrs. T: "U r not a husband"
Knowing you, you did NOT respond to this. What does it mean? It means, "Come on! I wanna fight!"
Maybe. However, remember when it gets to this point, Tom Petty. I think sometimes his guitarist Mike Campbell had the right response: I don't want to fight. I'm a lover, lover, lover.
Good Idea, Greek. I have always found that when I have **cked up things beyond repair I could always reground myself by returning to that which I find simplest. I hope there is a take away message here for you Thinker. Think.
A poem by Jorie Graham from my alma mater:
Quote:
the way things work
is by admitting or opening away. This is the simplest form of current: Blue moving through blue; blue through purple; the objects of desire opening upon themselves without us; the objects of faith. The way things work is by solution, resistance lessened or increased and taken advantage of. The way things work is that we finally believe they are there, common and able to illustrate themselves. Wheel, kinetic flow, rising and falling water, ingots, levers and keys, I believe in you, cylinder lock, pulley, lifting tackle and crane lift your small head-- I believe in you-- your head is the horizon to my hand. I believe forever in the hooks. The way things work is that eventually something catches.
I've been traveling for business for the past few days, without much contact with Mrs. T who, unfortunately, is at home with 3 sick children.
Been spending enjoying some GAL activities and spending some time thinking about what I want, and then...
...this morning I got a call from her saying "I've been talking to my C and if we are really 'working on things' then we should meet with him to discuss our goals and expectations and stuff. Are you available to meet with him next week"
I was surprised, and agreed.
This is the first time that she has a)told a C that she was "working on the m" and b)taken the initiative to do something proactive like this.
I'm not overly optimistic - I've ridden upward trends and been caught by the subsequent downward plunge of the roller coaster. I am, however, willing to give it another try. I am in a completely different place than I was last time we tried C (much more detached and ready to walk away), and so is she. This is also a better C. I've met with him myself and (now) have a lot of respect for him.
So who knows...no hurry either way.
Me 42, W 39, S8, S6, S2 M 11y, A & ILYBNILWY 11/08 Walking away from a bad situation.
maintain boundaries, awareness and loving-detachment for you
parallel paths
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Starting in January I got really really busy traveling for work. Then, after a while realized that I was enjoying the break from the boards. It keeps me from thinking about my sitch a bit less and allows me to live life a bit more.
Now, in the past few weeks, Mrs. T and I are dealing with the impending death of MIL.
Right now, I'm taking it one day at a time, trying to figure out how to get my job / career back on track (I was distracted for the past year), and trying to figure out whether or not I want to stay married to Mrs. T.
Thanks for checking up on me.
Last edited by Thinker; 03/05/1007:07 AM.
Me 42, W 39, S8, S6, S2 M 11y, A & ILYBNILWY 11/08 Walking away from a bad situation.
I'm (really) ready for the beer next time your in Cincy. Decided to stop by the db board today for the first time in 12 months. Still kinda painful to read this stuff and to hunt out the success stories. But, I like you, have a different vantage point than some of the new newcomers. Let's have that beer soon.
It's been a long couple of months, but I'll keep it short and sweet. For 2 months after Christmas I did my best to be a stand-up-guy and support my wife as her mother continued to decline. It was a sad and stressfull time for all of us.
Mrs. T's mother passed away about 2 months ago. Within weeks after that, Mrs. T had started yet another A and asked for a D. It was completely predictable, and I was not at all surprised. It seems to be her pattern to respond to any unhappy time in her life by looking for a new man to make her happy.
I agreed to her request for a D wholeheartedly and with relief. I have been pressing forward with it ever since. We are now basically separated in house. We are alternating weekends and sharing responsibility for the the little thoughts during the week. Neither of us is wearing our rings or working on the M.
I'm done. I just want out.
I have been trying to take the best care of my kids I can and in parallel preparing for what I believe will be an ugly divorce. Our situation is relatively simple, but unfortunately reality clashes with the fantasies she has for her future. She wants to mediate, but has not shown any real ability to face reality with anything other than anger and blame. She's consulted with an expensive high end lawyer, and I've now done the same.
Our first mediation session is tomorrow.
I really appreciate the time I spent on these boards. The advice (2x4's) I got here helped me grow more that I would have imagined. Thank you all.
As much as I wanted to announce on these boards "divorce busted", it's not going to happen ... and I'm OK with that now. I did absolutely everything I could. I tried harder than I ever thought I could. It's time to move on with my life.
Me 42, W 39, S8, S6, S2 M 11y, A & ILYBNILWY 11/08 Walking away from a bad situation.
