here we go again

[Jstar]

OH yes back to what both bluerain and TrentC asked.

Yes he did say that he does not respect women nor does he respect me, i heard that with my own two ears on the phone, wish i had it recorded.

I've read ddogs posts about moving back in, and i thought gee what if my h did that? first off he doesn't have keys since i changed the locks, and he's to afraid of what i would do, but would be nice.

i bet i would be so totally angry and probably spew a bunch of junk then settle down. i don't think it would change anything, h would still be taking off at all hrs of day and night, still have 2 phones attached to his ear and his lips on his mothers breasts so he could eat.

kind of ironic how he says he doesn't respect women, but is so attached to his mother. he treats his sisters like crap, orders them around.

[TrentC]

Then it seems to me your path is clear.

He wasn't going to change before things got into a crisis, and he seems unlikely to change now.

You need to do what you can to get him out of your life. People who try to game the system, dodge process servers or fly under the radar are not people you want to trust to raise your kids.

[Jstar]

The cold reality of this whole situation is disturbing. I'm a strong person, had wanted a different outcome, had hoped that h would have grown up, grown some balls, made an effort.

maybe looking at the time were seperated since november is a short time in the dbing area, but 3 years of the same problems, not really ever getting better and me holding that torch the whole time.

i feel like i have given up, have i genuinely? I don't know. I know that I am at peace with the birth of my son, with my niece being my support system and my d18 supporting son when he is wheeled for his other tests. i know that for me it would not be a good situation for h to be there.

i don't know if i feel bad for h not being there for the birth, but can any man tell me with in light of how h is, decisions choices, games all of it, he should legitametely be allowed he?

I want that day to be happy and joyful not stressful and a time for what is left of my family to celebrate since they have been there for me the whole time, no my h.

I ask myself over and over again, did i try? did i do everything i possibley could have to salvage my marriage less of lossing myself or children?

I'm not scared about the future like i was in the beginning and know i am strong and resourceful and will manage one way or another even if there are things that i really don't want to do.

I see my future with both little kids in bed with me, laughing and playing, i don't see h there with us. doesn't that say something? I also see me tired as all get out but feeling love from my children and giving them love every second of the day.

I struggle with the going back to work with a newborn, and i remember someone saying that i'm teaching my children to be responsible. It's the guilt i will have to deal with but i am providing them a stable home, food and today found an agency that is geared towards single working mothers to provide medical care for my children! YES!!!! A big worry off my mind.

[bluerain]

Hi Jstar, I agree with Trent, what else havent you tried? It seems to me that you have been very good about looking for stones that have not been turned over yet.

Even if you do file for D, it doesnt mean that it is absolutely over. I have read one thread on here where a marriage ended, and then they got back together, now she calls her H her bf.

I wouldnt look at it as giving up, I would look at it as being done and finally putting an end to his disrespect. And showing him that you are serious! But only you will know when you are there.

That also opens up the opportuntity for you to start telling him that he needs to talk to your lawyer and not you about all of the drama.

Congrats on finding the agency, hopefully that will be a big help for you!

[Jstar]

I really don't know what else i could even try. I thought about that this morning,

how many times i have asked him to help and he turned his back. How many times i said lets just get together and talk. How many times i set boundaries that he could care less about. How many times I he has said he was going to do something and didn't follow through,

How many times he chose himself his wants his needs his pride over me and the kids. How many times I told him what he needed to do, that was just in the past two weeks.

[TrentC]

Exactly. I don't think anyone here will deny that you have gone above and beyond in giving your husband opportunities to let you down.

Maybe -- maybe -- if you finally drop the rope, he'll get it through his head that the usual games won't cut it. But I wouldn't hold out hope for that possibility.

[soleil]

Jstar, I'm with Trent... I think it would be beneficial to "drop the rope" in your case. You have made some pretty clear moves indicating you want to work it out and he isn't receptive.

LIVE your life, don't pursue, GAL, all that jazz.

[Jstar]

I get a text this am.

H: good morning
H: happy aniversary.

hours later i texted back in my lovely sarcasm

jstar: what time is the limo picking me up for dinner? Will I get flowers then? Oh i'm so excited!


he just continues, i said it before will say it again, I have the worlds stupidest h!

[TrentC]

I get a text this am.

H: good morning
H: happy aniversary.

hours later i texted back in my lovely sarcasm

jstar: what time is the limo picking me up for dinner? Will I get flowers then? Oh i'm so excited!

he just continues, i said it before will say it again, I have the worlds stupidest h!

Maybe he thought "why is she being such a b*tch? I'll just ignore her."

Why do you try to push his buttons? Like I said, you seem to thrive on the mutual conflict.

[bluerain]

Hi Jstar, I just wanted to check in with you. How are you doing?