I think I am turning into a big sappy loser, which is a 180 for me, so yay!
I had a serious LoL at this!
SadGirl... you need to shake the boohooing WAH, and/or his routine. Tell him to get over it, he chose it!
Doesn't that sound so easy?
It sounds easy, but isn't. I'm going to ignore his last email. I should be fine until tomorrow when he comes to help with D10's school project. That should be interesting.
As best as I could understand my H (which clearly is not my strong suit!) I think he wanted me to know he was miserable also and I wasn't the only one suffering. That is what I took from what he expressed to me.
The very last straw for me was that BS he pulled with Seattle. It was also then he told me how horrible things are with his GF, how they almost broke up four times, how she is so jealous of me and their R is not all roses but he decided to stick it out. I actually listened to this crap for a while then thought NO WAY, you have got to be KIDDING ME and that was really the last time we spoke.
I can't even think about it as it still makes me very upset. My H who is STILL with his affair calls HIS WIFE to complain about the R with the woman he cheated on HIS WIFE with. I clearly was insane to listen to that for one second.
Well CG, I'm going to chime for a bit and ask you if you want your husband back.
Do you want him back or are you done?
If you do want him back, is it because you want this for your children or do you want him back because you want him?
Either way, as G just mentioned, you are his emotional healing stepping stone, you are the launchpad to his new life, he knows you still care for him so he can use you as a guide, counsellor and sounding board whenever he needs advice and you've noticed he doesn't care too much about how he makes you feel because he is in fact using you.
You can stop that anytime.
And if you do want him back, you take off those LBW's flat shoes and put on a pair of the WAW's stiletto's and start acting like a real WAW.
I think you can pull it off but you have to be willing to try it.
Arrrrgh! Why does he keep whining to me about his miserable life?! He chose this life!!!
Why do I care?
Should I ignore him?
Because he doesn't know what he wants anymore. That's what happens when fantasy meets reality, the picture he painted in his head isn't what manifested in his real life - sucks to be him.
You care because you have big heart and you love this guy, you also care because human nature dictates that we want what we can't have (you want him but you can't have him).
Should you ignore him? Yeah but I think I would ask the question "Can you ignore him? Are you able to do that?"
The incidents I posted about happened a long time ago. I was just using them as examples to show SadGirl I understand how frustrating it can be.
My H and I have been legally separated for two months and we have not had any contact (other than a few e-mails about settling our assets) since then. No, I don't want him back and I am done with him. He is still with OW (going on two years now) and he has not changed a bit.
What I posted was not a recent event with my H.
Last edited by CityGirl; 01/13/1007:27 PM. Reason: sp.
Any thoughts on why they tell us, CG? Surely there are other people they could complain to.
I was going to suggest that he find someone else to help him, but I was advised against it.
Notice that something in you told you that possibly you should go down a different route than you've been travelling but since that is new and you're not cognizant of the type of results it would produce, you chose the more "comfortable" route (comfortable is a relative term) and continued doing what you normally do.
He tells you his problems because when it comes to you, he knows he can pull on this heart strings of yours and get some support. People who USE people routinely do this.
I'm going to suggest to you to suggest to HIM to find someone else to help him.
...OMG! I can't imagine having to hear about a GF. My H complains finances. I know he does it because he knows I'll help. I need to work harder on that.
Work with the information you have here, you know something specific to him, make use of it.
Make yourself scarce.
When are you going to be ready to become the WAW in this situation? It's 2010, new year, brand new start, new ways of looking at & doing things, etc. January is still young, good time to start would be today.
Little secret, your H still has an emotional connection to you, he makes use of it to his advantage and to your disadvantage, you could turn this around.
I'm gonna read all the comments in a minute, but I just had to post this while I was still giddy with laughter. *evil grin*
My cousin contacted me on FB. We were talking yadda yadda, and I told her I had 3 tattoos. She was shocked, and wanted to see them.
H emailed me to tell me he had my new laptop fan. I told him thanks, and asked what I could use to resize a some pictures. I don't have Photoshop on this laptop. He told me he would resize them for me after work.
Okay, the funny part...
After work came 2 minues later, because He IMMEDIATELY replied and asked who took the picture of the one on my lower back. He also asked who I was sending it to.
