I know, GIMA. I feel a little Kevinesque today. Once all of his stuff is out, it feels kind of final. I know it can all be brought back, but I feel like it's another nail in the coffin.
My kids are hilarious. Now they are watching a show about pregnancy. D8 comments on the baby's fast heart rate. D10 says...it's fast because the baby is in the mom thinking where the heck am I? How do I get out? Then the babies realizes HOW they get out and the heart rate spins out of control.
At this point, I tell them to change the channel. lol
I know that has to be hard (boxing up his stuff). But, it only hurts you to dwell on it.
Kids say teh funniest things, as my daughter leaves the room in some type of princess dress with 7-8 bracelettes on and tube socks! Very regal!
I know, GIMA. I feel a little Kevinesque today. Once all of his stuff is out, it feels kind of final. I know it can all be brought back, but I feel like it's another nail in the coffin.
I wouldn't say it is final. But I would say that you get the gut feeling with another nail in the coffin. It seems like all I am being coached to do is to move forward with my life and leave W in the rear view mirror. And at the same time I am being told this is the only way I will ever have a chance if one at all of having her back in the future. To some extent, it seems logical as I have no idea how to draw her back in and start peicing. On the other hand, I am learning how to move forward, but still have no idea how to ever start peicing again if she starts ever coming around again. But if I ask that question, I will get beat over the head for thinking about it. So I don't ask it on my thread.
What you are doing does not mean it is over. Things can always turn at some point. Even now, I am not sure that this represents being over so much as a definite separation for you and H. I think the important thing is to figure out that you will be ok if he doesn't come back. Once you are comfortable with that, it should be much easier to reconcile properly if things turn back that way. But again, how do you peice back after moving forward if the opportunity presents itself. How do you know when it is ok to look at peicing?
Right now you aren't quite there. But I am not totally 100% convinced yours is in the pot. You are keeping strong and that is important. You are doing good sadgirl.
Kevin
Last edited by K4D; 01/04/1001:36 AM.
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
An update, sort of... the details are foggy. I gave up Monster, and I am a zombie.
H has been spending time with the kids. D10 had an emotional breakdown, and called H. He came over immediately, and told her if she needed him to call again and he would come right over.
The next day, H made plans to take them out for the afternoon, but then realized he couldn't afford it. Rather than have the kids be let down, I gave him/them $50. I dropped them off, and I didn't die when I drove away. I was happy for them to spend time with their father. When I picked them up, we all had some laughs on the sidewalk. It was nice, until I realized I was laughing with him, and walked away.
The next day, he came over because D10 asked him to visit. We cooked and served dinner, worked on homework with the kids, we even talked a bit. He asked if I wanted to smell some new lotion that he had. He knows I love things that smell good. It was a nice afternoon. It almost felt like old times...without the grief and hassles.
The downside is, he asked me for money...again. Yes, I know I shouldn't have, and Gnosis already gave me hell for it.
But...
It felt like the right thing to do. I cannot bear to see him suffering. I told him that I shouldn't be his go to person when he needs help. He mentioned that I could be giving me only what is required by law, but he doesn't. I thanked him for providing so well for the children and told him that he would never give me only what the law requires because he is a good father. He left and said goodbye to everyone, but I didn't say goodbye. I feel very awkward and uncomfortable around him, and never know quite how to act.
I'm trying to do as much NC as possible, but it's really hard with the kids. Today, we have already had 19 emails back and forth about nothing.
Oh, D10 tried to hug both of us at the same time, and he told her that's not going to happen, so even though he isn't a jackass anymore, he is still anti-me.
Arrrrgh! Why does he keep whining to me about his miserable life?! He chose this life!!!
Why do I care?
Should I ignore him?
Ignore any emails that don't have to do with the kids.
If he gets testy, point out exactly what you said -- you're wiling to work on the R, but he's choosing to leave, so he has to figure out how to deal with his life on his own.
He's not going to email 19 times a day after the divorce, is he?
Me: 44, Wife: 39 M: 17 years T: 20 years Bomb on 08/25/09 1/13/10: MC started 1/28/10, 2/8/10: More bombs 8/28/10: Wife moved out No talk of D, no movement
It is very hard when the WAS complains about their life.
My H used to tell me all the time how he was a nomad... living at his grandparents house, then with friends and OW with no home. In fact, several times he cried about it. I have zero sympathy for him but it did hurt to hear him say that. He chose to leave and drift around.
If I had a dollar for every time my H told me how hard this was on him, to have to sneak around with OW and other crap that HE CHOSE I would be a rich woman.
