After having been on this DB path for so doggone long now, I see things differently now. Here's what I would like to add:
1. Work on bringing neutrality to each and every conversation.
2. Choose times and places where you have the best chance of communicating well. For me? I figured out a long time ago that Mr. Wonderful is very receptive to chats (even R chats) when he is in his car on his mobile phone. Now he initiates tough chats with me, and often he is able to do this from his office but the best conversations take place in his car.
3. Leave your emotions at the front door... or on your desk... or somewhere else.
4. Make concrete goals for the communication before you begin.
5. Quit playing the conversation out in your head before you even begin! That will sabotage your efforts to find solutions instead of more problems.
6. See the statements that hurt you as an opportunity to change behaviors, thoughts and actions.
7. Commit to listening and not defending your position.
8. Seek understanding before you ask to be understood. And mean it.
9. Dump the bag of expectations you carry. There is a big chance that you will be disappointed.
10. Try to adopt an attitude of "this is for the best". See your difficulties as a means of getting your prayers answered. You only find value in a rubber band when you apply tension to it.
Betsey
Know what you need and happy with what you've gotten.
