Split personalities I tell ya! Now he is back to being Mr. Nice Guy! Asking me how baby is, how wrestling is going, how life is...I only answered about baby and that is it!
What a jerk!
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
SO2, you sound pretty good. I'm glad that your becoming confident and letting go of the fears and anxiety.
on the 1 txt verses his 14... that was smart to text at least once. if it's a question about baby, you text, if it's not, you don't. sounds almost like he's figured it out a bit, but I'm sure he'll keep testing you a while. and the reason you SHOULD text that one time so he knows you are setting a boundary. otherwise he could think there are other reasons your not answering... so he knows your seeing his texts, but choosing not to respond.
Quote:
Now, I think I realize that OW can be any female in exh's life. Meaning, it wasn't really OW that was special. He didn't really love and care for her either. He didn't choose her over me. Same goes for MGF. Exh has huge issues. If it wasn't that particular OW or MGF or only the Lord knows what other women...it would have been someone else. Its not like he looked at OW when we were together and went "that is the woman of my dreams." Make sense?
I'm so glad you have learned this lesson. and it has helped you let go of a lot of baggage.
also, so glad about the alanon class! keep going, it sounds very helpful.
oh, and good job on how you dealt with him not showing up, and because you did that, it helped him actually SHOW UP. even if it was only 15 minutes, that is good. I think next time, you should say if you don't hear from him by 10:30 you'll assume that he isn't able to come and you'll probably go on with the next things you need to do. I'm sure his no contacting will happen again..I would totally expect it, as it's in his character right now.
your doing great!
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
I feel good. Much stronger and standing up to exh more is wonderful.
Last night after baby and I got home from wrestling exh sent a text:
exh: How is baby? Me: She is good. exh: You at wrestling? sent 3 times. Me: no Exh: wasn't it tonight? sent 3 times. Me: Yes, but we are home. exh: Why are you so crabby? What is your problem? Me: I just want to keep it about baby from now on please. No more drama. exh: You started it with your Fu**ing mouth about your daughters father. (I got pissed and took the bait) Me: Remember MGF CALLED ME! I answered her questions honestly. I would also appreciate you and your exw not telling your children that I came in between and ruined your relationship with OW and MGF. You had already messed that up way before they called me. I want out of his life drama!
I know i shouldn't have fed in, but I am just so sick of his sh**! Like 25 said.. HE is in no position to point fingers!
About 15 minutes later MGF sends me this:
MGF: What is your problem? All of your manipulation and lies are not working. Nothing has changed for you so why don't you take your own advice and move on!!
I fwd that text to exh and said if she EVER harrasses me again I will get a protective order.
I sent the following to MGF:
Me: Oh hun...I have happily moved on. You can have him. YOU CALLED ME REMEMBER? I wish you luck, but please do not contact me again. Thank you!
Ok, I know I shouldn't have even let it get that far, but silence to exh is like an admission of guilt and I didn't do anything wrong.
Exh sent me a text after saying he told her to leave him alone. She must have been pissed and sent that to me.
I was telling my sister last night and she said all it does is make exh's life look so crazy! His poor wounded gf came to me for support and now turns psycho.
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
wow... exactly why you should NEVER TALK TO THEM!!
but, you stuck to facts and didn't over talk you said, so although it bit you, it could have been worse I'm sure. but see, MGF, and 1stexw and whomever, can all SAY what they wanna say, and they will say what exh wants to hear and he'll probably believe them...so back it goes on you.
I'm not so keen on you taking the bait either, but I totally understand, and sometimes you need to speak your peace. I probably would have done the same thing, and with MGF, except with the caps and exclamations..which translates to yelling, and you want to be calm.
so, continue leaving him out of your mind as you were, don't let his drama pull you back in..you were doing good.
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
If you take the bait again, tell them you wish them well, they deserve each other. Move on and say nothing else....what else is there to say?
Seriously consider moving. If you can't draw and keep strong boundaries, then how else are you going to have a normal life? Moving actually seems easier for you to me. Focus on what you CAN do, and not on what is hard or getting in your way or how you "have to" stay stuck...protect your kids from this insanity. And be grateful, grateful--that you now see him clearly for who and what he is. Thank GOD...
j-
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
This is what I would do if I had a derelict tribe of cheaters, losers, deadbeats, alcoholics and spawn from prior marriages involving me in their soap opera games:
1) Block them from texting or calling me or IM'ing me.
2) Only allow email communication with ex-H and have it only pertain to the baby.
3) If they fail to leave me the F alone, seek a restraining order.
4) If the opportunity arises, get out of Dodge City and start somewhere fresh.
And most importantly, I would not respond to any of their bait or shiite like you just did. It only invites more batshite crazy from them.
This is what I would do if I had a derelict tribe of cheaters, losers, deadbeats, alcoholics and spawn from prior marriages involving me in their soap opera games:
1) Block them from texting or calling me or IM'ing me.
2) Only allow email communication with ex-H and have it only pertain to the baby.
3) If they fail to leave me the F alone, seek a restraining order.
4) If the opportunity arises, get out of Dodge City and start somewhere fresh.
And most importantly, I would not respond to any of their bait or shiite like you just did. It only invites more batshite crazy from them.
Love it! Very true! So much drama and I don't need it!
St and 25: Yes it bit me sort of...I feel good that I stood up for myself to both exh and MGF. It probably shouldn't have happened at all, but I know in my heart I didn't do anything and I wasn't going to just let them beat me up.
Today exh sent a text: Exh: Give baby a kiss. Not sure if I will make it today (for visit) Me: Ok. please let me know either way. Exh: Yep
His Yep is a tone. I can tell. I want him to let me know so I am not sitting here today for 3 hours while he decides if he has time to come or not.
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
His indecisiveness is his problem only. He needs adhere to a rule - he lets you know the day before if he is going to pay his daughter a visit otherwise you are making plans for yourself and daughter. If he fails to show by the preset time, you and your daughter are under no obligation to wait for him.
My XW and I have it good in that we never are flip floppy on a daily basis. We decide well in advance which kid(s) will be where in certain circumstances that are exceptions to our parenting plan. It keeps things very amicable with none of the drama I am allergic too.
I am going to check into that Kerry...as far as our papers say Exh just has to contact me and let me know when he is coming. He has a 3 hour visitation window and he can come during that time for as long as he wants. But there is no contact time such as 24 hours. Exh will say he cannot give me a timeframe because his visits depend on his schedule with his other kids. They and their needs always come before baby. If he has to play taxi, then he cannot make the visit time. Its wrong and sad, but how he is. Of course he can never stand up to EXW1 and tell her no...so he is always on call for them. Been that way our entire relationship.
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
At 15 minutes before his time was to be over he sent a text saying he wasn't going to make it!
Good thing I didn't really have any big plans.
Love the gossip train around here. Today someone was talking to me and said they heard that exh was with another woman since NYE and then broke up with her and started dating her friend. Not sure if the info is accurate and for some reason all it does is dusgust me. He is like a giggalo! I tried to stop this person from telling me and said I wasn't interested in hearing but she kept going. I was stuck in these bleachers with no way out.
What a mess exh is.
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
