You have a good plan for your personal appearance... regarding the cologne ask a woman who works there what seems to be popular or what a lot of women are buying for men these days...
Also - to create some mystery, are there some really small changes you can make at home? Can you re-arrange a couple of items... move a lamp, or even put the toaster in a different place? I say this because it shows that you are not letting everything depend on her. If she chooses to leave the M you will do things your way. It might spark her desire to be more involved at home, take "ownership" of home life more again.
About contact, I completely understand what you are struggling with. It is a very delicate balance, and very hard to do. You want your W to see that you are capable of meeting her emotional needs, but not pursue, not let her cake eat, and not meet too many of her emotional needs at this time because it enables the cake eating. Very hard! So, I think Sandi's advice is the best route to go... Let her do most of the initiating, respond in a freindly, warm way. Show concern for how she is doing, but always end the conversations first. Don't initiate except once a day because that is the right thing to do as her H. That way, you are showing that you do have the ability to meet her emotional needs, but that you are not a pushover that will be weak and needy and meet her needs while she is in a R with OM. Make sense?
