Had my IC appt. yesterday. Was really good, as usual. I have struggled with intrusive thoughts about H and OW, and my anger with OW as I've shared here. IC talked with me about how that gives OW more power when I allow that, and hasn't she taken enough away from me? Yup, hit the nail on the head. Drove home thinking about reclaiming my own personal power and self respect and various ways to do that. Was in a great PMA frame of mind when I got home, and walked in the door to...a very angry H. I had forgotten to tell him there would be a few of the kids friends over and they had made a big mess, music playing... ya know typical teenager stuff. I guess he had a bad day and it was too much. He blew... even threatened to move to his sister's if I would have that little respect for him not to tell him something like that so he could be prepared for it.
I stood there, dumbfounded. It was so over the top. At first, I over reacted back, defended myself, got upset. Then, went for a drive and got my wits about me. I realized I needed to set a boundary!
I came home and said, "If you have legitimate concerns about the kids and our communication, please do tell me what they are. But, it is not ok with me for you to react the way you did. And, I need you to know that when you threaten to leave over something like this, it opens up the recent trauma I experienced and that is not fair to me." H apologized, said he was barely coping yesterday, needed the peace and quiet at home and realized he took it out on me in an unfair way. And, he said he understood that the threat of leaving is completely unacceptable given what he has put me through. I needed to know he got that part of it. We ended up watching a movie with the kids and the rest of the evening went well.
Whew... that could have been a huge setback. When he said the comment about leaving, I just about booted his a#$ out the door. It could have been a blow out.
I am proud of myself for being smart enough to remove myself from the sitch until I calmed down and then coming back to calmly set a boundary.
I am learning...
emotionally exhausted today... but onwards we go...
