I am so shaken right now. Sometimes we stress about things that we don't like or feel so hurt about and forget how fragile life is.

This morning I heard the cleaning lady (she cleans all the common areas of our brownstones) in the basement and I heard her scream. I didn't think much of it as she works with a crew of men (painters, electricians, the super and so on) and they pick on her and "play fight" all the time. A while later I heard a ton of commotion in the basement. Our super, his name is Tom, who has worked in my building for almost 20 years was found passed away in his office. The cleaning lady discovered him hence her scream. She knocked on his office door to put in a supply order and when he didn't answer she opened it up and found him slumped over his desk.

Every Tuesday he stays late in his office to fill out time cards, put supply orders, review the work orders for the following week and so on. He has been doing this for the decade I live here. He ALWAYS eats pretzels while he is doing this. In fact, all the tenants always got him pretzels for holiday gifts. He must have passed away sometime after 5pm y'day as his paperwork was on his desk along with his pretzels. His little radio was on and one of the other workers thought he had on the same clothes as yesterday.

I feel just horrible. My apartment is positioned right over his office and I was home ALL last night and I never heard any sort of noise that would indicate he was in distress. I am sitting here stunned that he was passed away all night and we all just went about our business. I am racking my brain wondering if I heard anything unusual that I just blew off as common noise.

A few years ago Tom had cancer and went through several rounds of chemo but told everybody he was doing better. He never complained and treated all the tenants in this building like we were family. Tom's daughter went through a horrid divorce a while ago and he moved out of his house so his daughter would have a place to live and he got a teeny apartment. Tom had two little grandchildren and sometimes he would bring them to work and give them pretend jobs to do. They would wear their little play tool belts and have a ball. When my H moved out Tom came over and told me he didn't need to know what happened but he knew my H was not living here and if I needed ANY help to find him. He was only 51 and just so sweet.

The cleaning lady is STILL in the basement, just sitting there staring and not saying a word. I think she is in shock. I think her H is coming to pick her up.

There is awful energy in this building right now. It's all so sad and sudden. And to think y'day I was STILL bitching about something so stupid as being lost. Gosh, what I complain about that simply does not matter is sickening. I need to do better.