An update, sort of... the details are foggy. I gave up Monster, and I am a zombie.
H has been spending time with the kids. D10 had an emotional breakdown, and called H. He came over immediately, and told her if she needed him to call again and he would come right over.
The next day, H made plans to take them out for the afternoon, but then realized he couldn't afford it. Rather than have the kids be let down, I gave him/them $50. I dropped them off, and I didn't die when I drove away. I was happy for them to spend time with their father. When I picked them up, we all had some laughs on the sidewalk. It was nice, until I realized I was laughing with him, and walked away.
The next day, he came over because D10 asked him to visit. We cooked and served dinner, worked on homework with the kids, we even talked a bit. He asked if I wanted to smell some new lotion that he had. He knows I love things that smell good. It was a nice afternoon. It almost felt like old times...without the grief and hassles.
The downside is, he asked me for money...again. Yes, I know I shouldn't have, and Gnosis already gave me hell for it.
But...
It felt like the right thing to do. I cannot bear to see him suffering. I told him that I shouldn't be his go to person when he needs help. He mentioned that I could be giving me only what is required by law, but he doesn't. I thanked him for providing so well for the children and told him that he would never give me only what the law requires because he is a good father. He left and said goodbye to everyone, but I didn't say goodbye. I feel very awkward and uncomfortable around him, and never know quite how to act.
I'm trying to do as much NC as possible, but it's really hard with the kids. Today, we have already had 19 emails back and forth about nothing.
Oh, D10 tried to hug both of us at the same time, and he told her that's not going to happen, so even though he isn't a jackass anymore, he is still anti-me.
