Coming up on One-Year of DB'ing...

[mindfull]

UPDATE:

OK, in case I didn't correctly communicate the BOUNDARY I did give H...

I explained the cell phone behavior I found uncomfortable. He replied w/out defensiveness, almost shock... Couldn't believe I found it odd, considering all of these years of him dealing w/his business and oddball calls/hours. Told him that I was still uncomfortable, considering our situation. And, he needed to consider my feelings when dealing w/the cell phone. And, if not, then all of this friendly, fun, family lifestyle would dissipate, and I'd function as a parenting partner w/him.

I am H's closest confidant and family. And, he doesn't share anything meaningful w/really anyone... I'm about as close as he gets. So, my DB'ing over the past year, hence, not "talking" about us, has made him very comfortable. He doesn't have to deal w/it, and I'm ok!!!

I truly believe the wall he has around him is built out of stress re: his business, our tax issues, and his unhappiness w/me pushing him to buy this house, the non-stop vacations, etc... So, I've done what I can, and worked to be a more responsible partner (financially), and have completely pulled back on any kind of pressure.

This boundary was a start in making this right for ME! The past year has been about HIM.

So, what happened after exerting the boundary? He had to leave to go out of town (for work) within about 10 minutes of the conversation (pre-planned), and I dealt with the boys at home. He txt'd me later that evening, and asked how I was tolerating the detox tea/program, and we conversed back and forth a few times.

He called a few times yesterday, about family logistics. Very pleasant, and sounded like he had a kick in his step. He came back into town yesterday evening for S12's conference tournament basketball game, and was the same way. He met us at the game, came and sat w/me among the parents (he always does anyhow), and was laughing and joking, and whispering funny things to me re: game/ref stuff, etc...

Something happened which I found quite humorous, though.

S12's team was seeded #1. They played like they had never seen a basketball before, nervous, scattered, and their shooting percentage as atrocious! We ended up losing to the #6 seed. MY GOD! (Most of you know how competitive I am. I almost had to leave. They made me insane!) Well, it didn't make or break the game, because we couldn't make anything in the hoop anyhow, but there was one ref that was AWFUL (and I really never complain about refs. hey, they're human!). Our coach ended up w/two technicals, due to his arguing about a few calls. Well, here's where the humor comes in... My H NEVER really cheers out loud, never yells at the kids during the game, just watches, enjoys, and comments to me, with an occasional "Good Job!" He got so pissed at the ref, he went up and confronted the ref after the game. Apparently, the ref didn't like it, and had the police escort my H out! LoL (sorry, if it's not funny to others, but it was SO out of character for him.) The team parents got a little giggle out of it, because who would have expected H to be the one in our family for this to happen to, it's more of a MINDFUL behavior!?

Anyways, H left, and then went to help D18 w/her new apartment issues, before going back out of town.