What to do when H doesn't contact?

[dday101798]

Time apart is so detrimental!!!!! I can't even begin to describe it.

Like I said, this time I GAVE UP. I became the WAS in the aspect that I deemed the entire situation dead. The M was over, W still harbored so much hostility, it was pointless and to just actually go forth with life and do the best for the kids.

It did get hard to handle issues about the kids with neither of us willing to speak to the other. After some issues with the school, I had no choice but to inact upon the "Conflict Dispute Resolution" clause of our parenting agreement and give W a formal letter of complaint and outline that we were not working in tandem with the spirit of the agreement and it was effecting the kids well being. I even quoted the passage that defines the whole purpose of the agreement. I also re-ittereated to her in the letter, I gave her what she wanted in a divorce and that it makes no sense to continue to harbor that anger and angst against me.

That is where things started to come together.

Then, as I just found out this past weekend, an outside influence. I believe it may have been the very same night I gave her that letter with her support payment, I took the kids out to my favorite local resteraunt in town there. Little did I realize, her father and his GF were a mere 2 tables away from us. His GF ended up coming over to table and made small talk as she "just couldn't handle it".

I never said a word to (x)FIL, the man who after a rough start we had 13 years ago I came to just call 'dad'. I never really had one. He in turn declared me one of his own sons, especially in light of my dedication to return to school for the betterment of family finances and he was ever so proud of what I was doing.

Anyway, apparently after he left the resteraunt, he went to W's house (his actually) and literally cornered her and chewed her out for what she says felt like hours. She says he was screaming at her to wake up and figure out what she is doing/done. And that he couldn't stand the fact he had to be "forced" to dislike me in favor of supporting his daughter and how much it hurt to stop loving a son.

That said, I don't think there's any one real moment of epiphany that will smack your H upside the head. I look at my sitch and conclude it's a series of events that slowly wears the original WAS down. For me, the kids, our friends, family (mine severed her off, I've never known my grandmother to have a resentful bone in her body, but she cut W off at the knees, her family stopped having holiday gatherings all together after she showed up with OM), and then after all that, all that "what are you doing", "are you happy with what you've done?", the day comes that they (the original WAS) is now the LBS. The original LBS, like me, finally gave up and started to go about life the best as possible. Then the feeling of regret and remorse really starts to sink in and fluster the now LBS.

Something similar needs to happen with your H, plain and simple.

After all, it takes the 2 members of the broken relationship to want to repair it (reconcille). Unfortunately, he's not there yet.

And as shown in my case, the BOTH of you "going dark" may just be the key ingredient to make you BOTH miss each other and want to try to work it out. Not just YOU.