Deployed Soldier/Father needs your help

[SoldierDad]

Deep,

Ya, I see what you are saying. I am gonna think on this one for awhile.

[SoldierDad]

Daily update:

Had a good day again today. Stayed busy, and kept my mind off of the serious stuff as much as possible.

I still have feelings of dread from time to time, but I think overall, I am starting to detach.

W sent me a reply to an e-mail I sent last week on the 5th regarding bills I still needed passwords to. I had already taken care of them, so no response from me.

My unit has a basketball game tonight, so will be there for an hour or so.

I really MUST get to my college classes, I am on an extension, and REALLY need to finish them up.

Spoke to S12 this morning as well. He was doing well, and told me his Math grade so far - 95!!! So proud of him.

Haven't spoken to S15 in about a week, have sent e-mails to him, but no response. Not sure if W is telling him things or if he is still angry from Christmas.

Have about 8 weeks left in country, and can hardly wait to leave! We are wrapping things up, and the emotions are beginning to come out in all my Soldiers. Gotta keep the short timers attitude out of their minds!!!

Overall I am feeling pretty good. I still sometimes feel the urge to contact her, but it is not near as bad as it was.

Hope everyone has a great day!

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Attaboy, SD! And "way to go" S12!!!!

My S13 and I have really had to work on his math the last couple of years. I think he thinks he gets points for being done FASTEST, not being done CORRECTLY or something. It's his sports/competitive side, I think, lol. Once I get him to slow down, and WORK NEATLY -- left-to-right, top-to-bottom -- he's gotten much better. It's so exciting when they tell us of their progress, isn't it??

Your S15 will come around eventually, once he gets the full picture of everything that's gone on. May be a week from now, may be a year from now, but he will -- have faith.

You sound really good. Be safe.

Puppy

[givingitmyall]

You DO sound good SD. Stay busy. Everything you are describing is normal.

Remember, detachment does NOT mean the absence of emotion. It means detaching from the end RESULT. You accept and believe that no matter what happens, you will be ok. And you WILL.

Keep it up. You are on the right track.

[SoldierDad]

Ok,

Just got back from Basketball game-we got creamed, but my guys had fun.

Here's the deal: during the game, they were playing hip-hop songs that I know are played in clubs my W goes to, and I started seeing bad things in my head again.

I'm ok, I just don't like when things remind me of her, and what she might be doing. Really need to work on this.

[TrentC]

Here's the deal: during the game, they were playing hip-hop songs that I know are played in clubs my W goes to, and I started seeing bad things in my head again.

That's going to happen a lot. Not much you can do about it; there will always be things that remind you of your wife, even long after the divorce.

And like you said, you just need to pick up and move on when you can.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Ok,

Just got back from Basketball game-we got creamed, but my guys had fun.

Here's the deal: during the game, they were playing hip-hop songs that I know are played in clubs my W goes to, and I started seeing bad things in my head again.

I'm ok, I just don't like when things remind me of her, and what she might be doing. Really need to work on this.

Yep -- we call 'em "triggers," and they sukk.

They get better, but they never completely go away.

Puppy

[SoldierDad]

Yup,

gotta figure out a way to control the thoughts.

I think staying busy helps with that, so I just need to keep busy!!

One bonus-female at the game smiled at me! Not sure of intent, but it seemed genuine.

[TrentC]

One bonus-female at the game smiled at me! Not sure of intent, but it seemed genuine.

Don't worry about the intent. Take it for what it is.

And PDT is absolutely right -- there will be triggers that will sneak up on you. And they suck.

[MichelleLT]

My XH and I S 2 1/2 yrs ago, got the first small bomb 3 yrs ago, and I still have triggers. Certain songs, women that look like OW, her name, his name.

$h!t. The Army is way too small. I work with people at my day job that are in his national guard unit. In some ways I can't get away from it. When I go over to HQ, I run into his old 1SG half the time.

The difference is, it doesn't make me spiral down the way it used to. I can be sad about it, then move on to something else quickly. At first, I had to be conscious of it - distract myself, force myself not to dwell on it. Now, it's easy. I snap out of it faster and with much less effort, sometimes without even really thinking about it.

Time helps.

So does being smiled at lol.