Can't seem to move forward...Help!

[bright_new_day]

. I think finding out my XH remarried was very shocking and set me back quite a bit. The fact that he dove straight into another serious relationship and ended up married to the woman is mind boggling. But shows just how little our marriage meant to him. A hard pill to swallow.

My X met someone in the last year of our marriage (when it was very troubled and I wanted to go to marriage counseling) and he married her 14 days after our divorce was final. It isn't about you or how much he valued your marriage. He has a weakness in him that he cannot address, so he moved into another relationship rather than deal wth his own issues. What he did is not normala or healthy, but it was his way to deal with his problems.

I still don't fully understand why he was so unhappy with us. Every thing he ended up saying led to him leaving was not in my opinion why a husband leaves his wife.

Because the truth is that it wasn't why he left. He left because he was unhappy and needed to blame someone. So he left and looked for someone new to "make him happy". The reality is that it is not someone else's job to make you happy, you need to be happy with yourself. I would venture a bet that he is still not happy, but still does not see it as an internal issue....it will always be someone else's fault.

He had major mood swings, who call me bad names, he would tell me on occassion to get out of the house... Is he a different man with her? And why? What was it about me that allowed him to be so cruel? Even upto now not feeling any remorse but rather justifying his behavior as his only recourse.

Is he different with her....maybe for a while, but that is because he is caught up in the newness. He is still who he was, unless he does some internal evaluation and does the work to make lasting changes in his life. My X has never expressed any remorse, and still lays the fault of the failure on me. Oh well. Nothing I can do about that. I know what I did wrong and I know I will not repeat those mistakes in any relationship. His issues are not about you.

Just thinking... Am trying to be more positive - am trying to be not so woe is me. Takes time - I'll get there. Just so many unanswered questions that still plague and bother me.

You will probably never get any satisfactory answers from him, so you need to accept that as his reality. Your reality needs to be YOURS. You will get there, you are already on your way.

I read this somewhere recently... A bad experience, when viewed from the ego which is merely the mind’s false sense of the self can keep one frozen in time, bitter, angry and consumed with changing the unchangeable past.
Time to step away from your ego and leave the unanswered questions in the past, they really don't matter.