Dealing with the X and kids

[bright_new_day]

Maybe I should clarify. I am firm with discipline, especially with my two younger ones (the older two are adults.) I tend to let the negative joking slide a little, and that's how I ended up feeling a bit down. I was talking about it with a friend of mine (who is getting her masters degree to become a therapist!) and she brough up the fact that part of their behavior is based on their age. In their teens and early adulthood people as a whole tend to be "competitive". Their negativity is part of that mind-set (not just the X's fault) as they strive for dominance. I think it is particularly strong in them right now as there is a little inner-power struggle going on between D19 and D22. D22 was always the golden child. She excelled in school, was a great athlete, and D19 was always in her shadow. Now D22 has graduated from college and is a little lost, not working in the area she studied and trying to get into some sort of graduate program. D19 is doing great in college and has actually exceeded D22 in athletic recognition (something extrememly important to X.) D19 made 2nd team all conference this year as a sophomore and the coach has named her as a team captain for next year (when she is a junior), neither of which D22 achieved. D22 made all conference tournament team as a senior, and was captain her senior year. D19 will be the first junior ever made captain of the team. (Both daughters attended the same college and played for the same coach.) So I think part of their behavior is based on a power struggle that may not recognize.
With all that being said, I do know that next time they are home together, I will keep a closer eye on the way things are going, and intervene when the joking becomes negative. I do not want those feelings back....it was way too reminiscent of the later years of my marriage.