Future, from her perspective she is being so MATURE and CORDIAL when she's not being mean to you. The shopping and donuts aren't an attempt to reconcile. She's trying to have her grown up self dictate her actions when she does that, and she is trying to have a cordial post-divorce relationship with you.
I'm getting that from my husband, too. Its crazy. The niceness won't stay if you get emotional with her or if you critize her in any way. Just keep your distance and calmly look after your own interests.
Its really hard not to take it as a mixed message, but LET HER BE NICE TO YOU. You do need to have a cordial post-divorce relationship for the kids. Figure out how to "tap into" her grown up self in that regard and just stay there. But don't let it build up your hopes. You have to focus now on moving on emotionally for yourself and having a grown up way of dealing with your W for your kids.
