My Deep, comfy couch

[Deep]

So, I felt it was overdue that I pitched a little tent here. It seemed weird to continue on at Newbies although many were the times I was inclined to journal a bit there. And let's face it, Reconciliation board is hardly seeing an overload of traffic .

So umm here I am. And I hope I can continue to journal and vent here. We just had our 3rd kid couple of weeks ago and tiredness is setting in. It's very humbling, looking at the sitches here and what has been happening in my life recently. I'm at a place I could scare think possible just a while back, and really, where many would want to be.

I read through the threads on this board and identify with the anger / resentment issues in the newly piecing. It's far less often for me now, and when it happens, I too, am shocked at the depth and intensity of the negativity I feel sometimes.

I remain watchful of the fact that I'm progressing in violation of one of the DB fundamentals. OM is still very much in the picture in W's working life. Life is funny. I detached to the point where I really let that go, drawing my boundaries and letting her make her choices. Through the months I saw her whole mindset, her behaviour, and I knew there was genuine remorse. It did not stop me from very negative thoughts even in the earlier stages of the pregnancy. W is now on leave till mid this year and has told me she does not want to return to work. Not my idea, hers. It has been ... hmms, I lose count, 8 months? since I told her my stance - Any inappropriate contact, and we'll be having a separation discussion. Any form of contact - I'm not comfortable, but will wait for her to figure out a way to settle it, but I won't wait forever. And almost no mention of it thereafter.

And (ok I'll take the 2X4s if any) yeah, my very own "OW" issue was an irritant the last week. I posted my new kid's pics up on FB, together with a new profile pic with W and S5. Got a ton of well wishes. She, on the other hand, soon posted on her status that she "felt empty". W has kept quiet about it.

I'm trying to focus on work now, and addressing some of the financial issues that got blown out of proportion during our trouble. It's mighty stressful I must say. Reading these boards at least helps keep things in perspective; I can see feelings of resentment, even shades of a potential MLC, coming at me from way off and it helps me 2X4 myself at times and keep things even.

Cheers.