Looking for Advice

[gutwrenching]

ALL - thank you again. I read everything on the iphone but it would not let me reply. I am back home, calmer, but still pissed. W just texted me. I seriously debated not replying at all, but for the kids sake, waited 10 minutes then replied. If she makes it home in time, tonight is the last time in the next 5 days my kids get to see their mom.
She wanted to know where to call me, I said what's wrong with calling me on the cell. That was pissy and I was being short, too short. She asked if something was the matter, I said no, should there be. She said no, your just being short and not sounding friendly. So I toned it down and said there is nothing wrong at all. I need to make sure to give her a smile when she comes home. If Im not confronting, which I'm not, you all are right, then why have a worse night that it needs to be.

Junco - I can understand the days apart and needing/wanting to recharge, but was your S in the middle of an EA with OP on her 5 days of freedom?

Deep - you are right - when I get hurt, I get emotional and I have to calm down. Easier said than done. But I'm almost there - thank you. I thought I had already done the shock and awe when I exposed the 1st time...all I want now is it to end. I just want the EA to end so I can have a fair shot.

Sandi - as usual, sound advice. She might be able to lie her way out of one call to him and a call to tracfone. Especially now that I see what I got with the tracfone and one thing makes no sense. According to the AT&T tracking, she called at 5:45AM...but she was in bed with me at that time. So their clock is off or something is off...even I would have to admit that. I know for a fact she was in bed with me, that is about the time the alarm would be going off. This is also the first at all shady call/use of the phone since I exposed the EA...I have to admit that. But of course, that's because there is a computer and a tracfone.

Sandi - is there any reason for them to be talking. I can tell you what she would say. He is a lawyer in our company and from what I gather by reputation a pretty good one. He has helped her on some issues with legal advice, that was one of the original stories when they were just friends and she proved it to me...showed me the advice he gave and how he used it. Of course, we have our own legal team here that could have done the same, but she was getting special attention I'm sure. That could be one of her first/easiest lies...looking for some legal advice dealing with family and the suicide. That would still be BS and no reason when we have our own legal team, but you asked, so I'm telling you what I know.

I certainly do not think it is appropriate for her to be talking to him period. Especially at 6:40 our time which is like 9:40 his time at night. I do not think any talking/emailing/chatting is appropriate, she knows it. I got to stop talking like this, will get angry again.

Everything happens for a reason...maybe this is a test...see if I can detach with knowing she is talking to OM throughout the weekend. If I can release myself from anxiety and detach now, that would be a HUGE step.

I just want the EA to end. I want us to get back to where we were heading before the suicide, working out in the morning together and I want to get back to going to church together. I think these can be slow/gradual steps that might help us build again from scratch.

Thanks for all the quick responses, I needed the help