This is the 2X4 that had to hit me several times.
Your wife is gone as you knew her, the only chance you have is to DB.

Remember it is ultimately for you, not her, and it is only over when you want it to be over.
I am experiencing very similar things, nothing is logical. So, I quit trying to apply it.

YOU WILL BE OK, YOU WILL MAKE IT. Tell yourself this over and over, and believe it.