Sorry I didn't see this post earlier. I had added you to my "watched users" but I don't think I got it right.
I just re-read your posts, and man, are our sitches similar. Bomb, boom, gone a week later (well, took some nudging to get him to move out of the other half of the duplex).
But yes--OMG--the total fear that NC relays the message: hey, no problem! You're right--I never really wanted you anyhow!
And what you wrote about "no arguments, but lack of communication about important things killed our R." Exact same here.
His new R is going on 9 months. I have stopped thinking of it as an A, because--well, he ended this R and started another one. After the first 3 months of sneaking around (cheating), well, he is just moved in with her and all is fine and dandy. As we are not legally married, and as he said with great finality "I am done with this R, " I don't see what I gain mentally/emotionally from thinking of it as an A.
I am definitely getting better PMA. Next up to deal with is setting up a tax appointment. We have to do them together as we have joint ownership of the house/apt's and so half of expenses get deducted from each--maybe I can figure out a way to do it separately. Yeah, I will definitely look into that. He will have to access our joint Quicken to pull together the apt/cost/tax/expense info--or maybe I can do it???
I am at the point where I don't want to see him at all. Mostly because the tax conversation will lead to "selling the house" conversation, and I want to avoid that like the plague.
But I also just don't feel like seeing him. Dealing with him. Best of all possible worlds, he and OW would, frankly, just drop dead. Or at least move to her hometown, which is several states away.
So. I will keep checking in. Sending you lots of hugs and strength.
Me: 44 Him: 42 Together: 23 years; never married Bomb: August 1, 2009 Affair since May 2009 Walk away; no conversation; no process
