A Choice

[patpat]

Thanks GW

I am and was having problems also with the whole detaching thing. I still have problems with it as it was previously been explained to me.

I read on a post somewhere, and can not exactly recall where, but read that if you can not do it, just act it out. Act as if.... It keeps the hope alive.

As if everything in your life is ok, going well, almost as though you were not even in your sitch at all. That got me started to do things again.

Then I read on someone sitch that they did not like what their spouse was doing to them, that they wished their spouse could feel what they were feeling... that got me to thinking. Of course, all my thoughts were of the things I have been hearing / reading here in these forums.... thinking I too, wished my spouse would and could feel what I am feeling. And why shouldn't she?

This same day, I read that the LBS and some point will, and needs to become the WAS. That once detached, the will have arrived. This finally made sense to me.

All the explaining about detachment confused me because I could not see it. My feelings, my marriage, the history, the fact that I could not believe that my W, whom I never would have thought..... well, it just was hard.

All anybody had to say to me was, if you did to your W exactlly what she is doing to you (the WAS script) without the A, you will detach and possibly turn the table..... that I could understand and do. Act !!! I have a hard time detaching... I know this because it scares me and goes against what I feel is the right thing to do. But now, after acting it out, I now feel that detaching is exactlly the right thing to do.

It is truely about me at this point. No one else. So, I just act as if... and now, I am not acting anymore. I understand.

Still feels weird. But I am having fun while I wait this out, and I believe that when all is said and done... my M will be right where I want it too be. This puts me into a happier place. I find it easier to deal with. Not happy about it all, but in an easier place.

I read on a post somewhere, and can not exactly recall where, but read that if you can not do it, just act it out. Act as if.... It keeps the hope alive.

And lastly, I am glad that I am where I am at right now because I have been able to lock the love I have for my W away in that secret room in my heart... to protect it, if you will.

When all has finally come to a head, I pray the there is and will be a much better me, right here, when the fog clears to lead my W home. Home, I never really thought about this word that much... but it has a new meaning to me and I just want this more now than ever. I'll never leave it, and all who know its comfort, unprotect ever again.

GW.. evrything I do from here out, everywhere I go, and everything I speak WILL TAKE ME HOME!