BBJ I totally understand what you are going through and I am so glad to read that you have called a counselor. You have been doing a good job but you have some serious healing to do. Also have you been able to look into a Divorce Care group?
My H's list of indiscretions is longer than Dan's, but then we have been married longer. I am pretty sure that my H only had one real PA, but there have been several internet and EA's. PA or EA, it all hurts very deeply, a lie is a lie is a lie...
I figured something out just this past Sunday night. I know I haven't said much about my sitch lately, but I will try and fill you in. Basically I am done with the marriage. I am willing to stay legally married for a couple of years in order to pay our debts off, but only if we have a true (in every sense of the word) separation.
H is in panic mode again. He called me Sunday to say he wants to be married (never said to me btw) and does not want to throw everything away. No plan to fix things though...
Then he went on to say he understands now why he seeks out these other woman online... "because he doesn't feel wanted by me." Okay I will play along, so I asked him (via txt) what I could do to make him feel wanted.
He txt'd back three things and when I saw them it hit me. Why we don't work... I cant give him the things he needs because I have no trust. I can trace back to early in our marriage when the trust began to erode. While I was not able to acknowledge it or admit it to myself during all these years I was also not able to function as a wife should.
The abuse I suffered as a child and the unhealthy coping skills I learned followed me into this dysfunctional marriage. I've realized I have a very keen intuition and good instincts. I even know most of the time if H is telling me the truth or not. But I denied that for all these years. I could not face the fact that my H would lie.
However with all that said I wish there was a way to repair things. I doubt I will ever give up that hope. But I know with out my H doing some real work on himself, we could not even begin to work on our marriage.
Gosh I didn't mean to hijack {blush} I hope this makes some sense
Me 54 DS19 and DS17 Married 06/1989 Divorced 01/2011
