its almost as if you were inside my mind when you wrote that.
WOW. I am amazed by your insight, your empathy, and your wisdom.
Since my last post I talked to a friend of mine who got divorced. He said (as everyone here has)that the most important thing is the kids... it finally hit home.
In the last two days I listened to family-- who care about me-- snooped on wife (now regretting..thank you very much) got a new bank account, and told her she cannot have the kids be with OM and that she needed to be down here with me, thinking if I "got control" I'd feel better.
you know what? I felt like CRAAAAAAAAAAAAP. So after talking to my buddy-- literally an hour ago, I called the W (we have basically been on clipped, 5 word email communication last two days) and told her,
"Look. Truce. This is not me. I am not a person who likes a fight, likes conflict. At the very least, no matter what happens between us, I want to be friends-- if nothing for the boys. Us being adversarial will only hurt them. My focus now, in my life for the next 12 years specifically, is to be a good dad. I want those boys to say, when it is all said and done, "he was a good dad"."
all of you, I am SURE, know how that was recieved.
Well.
but you know, to be honest, the last two posts from Bworl and Mach are very important in that they touch on something that I have been wrestling with. You know in the solution based thing the "successful men"? I'm sure as I did, all of you pored over those things constantly at first, feeling that "success" meant hardware on the left finger. I honestly, and you will all kill me for this, felt that the advice from people who are divorced is not as "good" as people who "busted!". I am learning that is obviously not the case at all, and my perspective is changing.
what they really need under 'successful' is people who have been able to become better and move on to happy lives.. don't ya think?
but what you touch on is very important, perhaps life altering for me today. the fact that people wouldn't trade this experience is interesting. there is no doubt I will be a better person for it. the pain has been like nothing I have ever experienced in my life. but I hope, as you say, I will also be "happy" that I went through this.
