If it is a deal breaker, than it becomes pretty simple.
If it isn't, you need to know what you will do before you fine out, or you will be acting from emotion, and stand a good chance of setting yourself back a good bit.
If you are not sure about the first two, then in my opinion, you are not ready to know.
Sandi, she's not coming to the Tennis with me & the kids, and she's not coming to S15's 16th birthday in a couple of weeks.
Okay, but are those her "choices"....or a "result" of her bad decisions? Sorry if you said and I've forgotten. But I wanted to try to make myself more plain about the "loss" or "shock". If the consequences of walking away from a M is not greater than remaining.....then why would she consider staying in a R she doesn't like?
If she does not miss anything due to her decision to walk away, then what could you do to shock the mess out of her?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
I'm certainly not making it 'easy' for her, she has to pay me Child Support and the kids aren't real fond of spending time with her (and I'm not going out of my way to encourage them).
I guess like everyone here is saying, become a better person in the hope she notices and thinks maybe being a WAW wasn't such a good idea.
H: 44 W: 42 Married: 23 years Bomb: 16/07/2009 PA Confirmed: 16/01/2010 Over it & working on ME: Feb'ish 2010
I guess like everyone here is saying, become a better person in the hope she notices and thinks maybe being a WAW wasn't such a good idea.
I agree. Since the times you see her are few and there doesn't seem to be anything to "shock" her right now...... then improving yourself is the route to take. Continue to not make things easy. Don't do anything to enable her lifestyle. Staying strong and self-confident is what you have to do.
Good job.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
quick question to anyone, WAW took 2 suicases of her stuff but over last few weeks has been coming back and getting bits and pieces that are technically hers. Should I confront her and say OK get everything yours out. She has a very small car & BIL rides a bike.
If we divided everything up she would have enough stuff to fill a garage, but nowhere to put it.
Thoughts
H: 44 W: 42 Married: 23 years Bomb: 16/07/2009 PA Confirmed: 16/01/2010 Over it & working on ME: Feb'ish 2010
OK W has texted S15 asking what we are doing for his birthday tommorrow.
If she wants to come over she can (in fact I think it would be a good chance for her to see what's changed), but I don't want it to look like we are needy of her being here.
We are having a 'party tea' (party pies, sausage rolls etc which is a family tradition for all birthdays no matter how old, and the kids love it).
Her text was just "What are u doing tommorrow". I want what we send back to be appropriate to all of us DB'ing and am thinking just a simple "Party Tea Here" so that she knows what's happening but will have to initiate more contact if she wants to know more.
Needless to say if she does come here there will be NO R Talk!!!
H: 44 W: 42 Married: 23 years Bomb: 16/07/2009 PA Confirmed: 16/01/2010 Over it & working on ME: Feb'ish 2010
So, S16 did send back "Party Tea Here". They then had a texting conversation which ended in W asking S16 if he wanted to go to her house and stay the night. S16 said he didn't want to so I said just a polite "No Thanks" would suffice.
We had out party tea and who should show up at round 8:30 but W.
She stayed for a couple of hours and we all just chatted about nothing really. Caught her sneaking a few sideways glances at me too.
Overall not a bad night, she was a bit quiet but overall we all were OK with it and no-one said anything remotely R'ish.
Baby steps, maybe the first one.
H: 44 W: 42 Married: 23 years Bomb: 16/07/2009 PA Confirmed: 16/01/2010 Over it & working on ME: Feb'ish 2010
OK, much to my horror, confirmed PA today. Played Tennis in same team as W. Managed to have a peek at her mobile, colorful texts galore, and I know the f#$ker as well.
Was very temped to confront straight away, but thought better of it. I think I need Puppy.
HELP!!!!
H: 44 W: 42 Married: 23 years Bomb: 16/07/2009 PA Confirmed: 16/01/2010 Over it & working on ME: Feb'ish 2010
OK Double confirmed, dropped D17 off at a party in <bigtown> tonite, she said that she had texted W prior and asked to be picked up at 'whatever time'. W agreed, which is strange cos it's a 70km round trip at maybe 1am from our home town.
So before I dropped D17 off I looked up address of OM in phone book. Bingo, only a few streets away from D17's party. Cruised round with the camera and what do you know there's W's car in the driveway.
Kids are pissed as hell, and I just have an empty nothing in my stomach.
Looking back though it may have been going for only 4 weeks at most.
Last edited by blownaway65; 01/16/1011:09 AM.
H: 44 W: 42 Married: 23 years Bomb: 16/07/2009 PA Confirmed: 16/01/2010 Over it & working on ME: Feb'ish 2010
