R2C - I am not doing actively anything toward my ex. In the sense that at one point in my divorce I understood that there was nothing I could do to change the relation with my ex, but I could change everything I didn't like about me and be as happy as I could with myself, and go from there. I concentrated first on my job, because it was the most pressing thing, but I also started going to the gym, and I love it and have a bit of a social life and then a bit more. I stopped having fights, also if at times I was super angry, but it was no use - so why bother. When she was angry with me for some trivial reason I started laughing and make up jokes until she couldn't stop forcing not to laugh too. I also took some "pick up class" and they were amazing. I didn't ended up picking up girls - that actually wasn't my purpose but they really helped me jump up with my self esteem. After a while we started having sometime a drink together some nice chat and laugh.... and some flirting. I can tell she is confused, but I am too. If she calls me and say she wants to get back with me I wouldn't trow myself in it... I spent a lot of time trying to learn to be self sufficient emotionally. I don't need her to be complete. But I enjoy her companionship and she is family to me. Then I think life will unfold by itself. Maybe I will fall in love again or maybe not. But I am a different person, more independent, and I like it. And I think this is one of the messages from the book - so in a way am still DB.
