Hey OB - LOL, I know I can bit a much at times. That was one of my H's biggest complaints that he didn't feel necessary to voice until after the fact. That I was too independent and would not let him help me enough. Apparently when I was diagnosed with SLE he didn't like my reaction (note: my father had died just 6 days before I was diagnosed) and he wanted me to handle it in a different way so he could be "the lead supporter". Of course that is what led to him convincing himself that is not what he signed up for so CLEARLY that was all MY fault. I still to this day don't understand why that is such a bad thing and his answer is always "if you don't get it you never will". Okay, guess I won't get it then!

Actually though I had a slight argument with my mom today and it really upset me. Her and I have not had any cross words for years and communicate very well even on things we differ on. But she said the same thing - I don't need ;people. This all stemmed from last night (yes, I am rambling but I guess I just need to get it out). I got very lost y'day. I was coming home from school and I took a few wrong turns in a maze of one streets downtown I was just so turned around. I don't see very well at night and headlights make it worse. I hate being lost when I am driving. It frightens me to my core when I can't see well. I was alone, lost, couldn't see and I just started sobbing and I could not stop. It was so stupid and certainly crying about it wasn't going to make me see better or magically know where to go. I really have not cried like that in a long time. My mom happened to call and I was trying to pretend I wasn't hysterical and just chatted away and kept getting more lost. I finally told her I was lost, scared and very upset and she got so upset that I just didn't call her right off the bat.

Today she went on and on (and I did not contribute much positive to this conversation and I take full accountability for that) and told me how difficult I am to help and how I always am on my own and I have been like that my whole life and how could I not know that made my H sad? UM, because my H never said a thing about it for a decade. That is why. I don't even know how we got where we got in the conversation but it wasn't all that nice and I hate feeling so confused with my own mom!

We will work it out but I really don't see how me being strong willed and independent is now such a problem for everybody. Since I am the common denominator I guess I am the problem but I am not sure why. She was so upset that I would "rather" be lost and scared and blinded by headlights while driving then just call for help. I kept driving because I was NOT in a good neighborhood and it didn't feel all that safe to pull over so my "plan" (not well thought out, I know that) was to keep driving until the neighborhood improved then pull over and ask for directions. This seems so dumb to be upset about but for some reason it made me upset, my mom upset and my step dad upset. I guess I better try and think about it in an unbiased fashion.

FUTURE - I am glad for you if things will work out in mediation. The BS becomes endless and I know you will do everything you can to ease the BS and be an awesome dad! I take NO joy in knowing somebody else might be on the verge of the battle I went through and I am thrilled you will not have to deal with it!