Trying to move on

[ClingingToHope]

Perhaps I should try the role-playing thing because W called today and said if we can't meet Saturday then can we meet Sunday?

I agreed. Then I figured I might as well wade in and say a big thing for me is joint physical custody. She's suspicious. She doesn't want to get locked into something that could change in three years.

We went through the debt and she knows she needs to take a big chunk of it but won't be able to get the money. She said perhaps we do a payment plan.

Then there's the house and the fact she can't afford to stay there if I lower the payments. We still can't sell it -- or at least can't sell it without taking a loss.

After it was over I felt like I was about to throw up.

I came back and sent her an email with my beginning proposals, saying I wanted to get as much of it done beforehand as possible.

I've felt awful ever since, but I'm trying to right myself. I have to yank the bandaid off. I've been thinking why it hurts so much. Why I'm afraid as Awest says. I've had a crush on W since I was 18 years old. I'm afraid I'll never find someone who gives me that special feeling again.

Of course, W always thought that was part of our problem. When I looked at her, I didn't see the unhappy, angry, aging W and instead kept seeing the beautiful 16-year-old I met years ago and pining for her return.

I thought that was love.