#68 Santa baby...been an awful good girl!!

[Kalni]

Kemper,
He is the lucky one. For sure.

Ali, you cant travel a lot with a baby or pregnant after the first 6 months. Hurry up with your plans!

I left work around 4 today cause my D fell and hit her nose/teeth/head. It has been raining and she slipped outside our house. H was here and took care of her but I left early, finished a meeting and left work 30 minutes later.

We decided we would go out for a coffee since he wa still here. I suggested he agreed. He told me he was going over at his apt to pick up some more things. I panicked and almost said something like "no, please dont!" but didnt.

When I am positive things look positive. When I am down, things look/feel so damn helpless.

Loosing my shine and self VERY VERY fast. Need to deal with that. He has the ability to change me. Yes yes, I know, I do it but for some reason, he is the only one I respond to like that.
K

[MichelleLT]

Well, it's obviously a R positive that he is moving more stuff over.

What about it scares you? Do you feel like you need more space mentally/emotionally? Do you really need the closet space? Or are you scared it won't work and he'll have to move everything back out?

[Kalni]

I really need my closet space. I really need more from him. I dont know if we will get "there". I am still loking for a damn councelor!!! 2 I talked to on the phone yesterday, said almost the same "our case is almost impossible but they would try to help", and they do IC but some times MC as well...they are no option.
K

[BobbiJo]

I really need my closet space. I really need more from him. I dont know if we will get "there". I am still loking for a damn councelor!!! 2 I talked to on the phone yesterday, said almost the same "our case is almost impossible but they would try to help", and they do IC but some times MC as well...they are no option.
K

I agree with you on the counselors, don't use those two!! If they don't believe they can help you from the start, they are not the ones to go to! Esp. if they don't often do MC...

I have totally taken over my closet, too... If ever a man wants to share, he will have to be really special!

[Kemper]

Keeping looking for a C that is willing to give it their all to help you.

Attitude of a person has a lot to do with how they will handle the situation. I would feel that anyone that states the situation is almost impossible will always have that in the back of their mind and will hurt rather than help. The person that looks at your situation as a challenge and WANTS to see it succeed is the person I would want in my corner.

[Kalni]

I am actually thinking if I should look into studying to become a marriage councelor here. I would spot cheating husbands from a mile!!! LOL
No, seriously, in Greece people dont look for help easily. When some people want to decribe how stressed they are they say "imagine, I almost needed a C!!!!!" as if that would be the end of the world!!!
K

[MichelleLT]

Lol. You would be very good at it.

The amount of insight you would have after all your experiences, combined with professional training....you would be scary good lol!

Just look at how much progress you have made in the last few months!

[AliSuddenly]

Hey Maria (thanks sweets).. Sounds like a great plan ! You would make a great therapist and you would earn good money per hour and could choose when you worked.. after all you've been through and experienced and endured.. you could give great insight. What a shame that Greece doesnt have such good MC options.

Actually the UK doesnt either, just Relate and they're a bit hit and miss, the lady I saw was rubbish! She just got angry on my behalf and tried to persuade me to get a solicitor and strip him of his assets !!

Yes all our holidays are planned for the next 6 months.. just in case! And I am sorry you feel afraid when he says he is moving more stuff in.. I understand that feeling of dread, I really do. I guess if you're still here, still going forwards, then maybe its a runaway train that you just cant stop now??

xx

[Kalni]

So, we talked last night. 2 hours. About the past and the present About how he feels it is a process and he is trying to "retrieve (correct?) our happiness back". So, he actually looks back and sees us happy. That is a first!! I may have been too pushy, I tried and tried not to blame but there were moments I blew it. Especially when he recalls the history in a way that it isn't right or fair. He said he turned to her when we had problems. According to dates etc, our REAL problems started when he met her. Until then, we were a couple just been through some tough times, I was trying to 'reconnect" after having 2 kids healthy for the first time after 3 years and he connected with her.

It pisses me off when he considers our fighting critical. WE DID NOT FIGHT, apart from the normal things, we started fighting when he met her and was coming home late, completely detached and gradually becoming colder and meaner. His memory stops about then but he doesnt connect the two. To him it was irrelevant.

We talked about dates, we talked about money. He really pissed me off. He said his affair never deprived his family from anything material. Only he didn't save the money he spent with her. BS!!!

He said his mind clicked this summer, he got tired of her and finished it in his head. That as you can tell, made me shiver. I asked him directly if that means his mind could re click the opposite direction or to other directions even... He said no, his comment was about her and him.

We laughed, we got mad, we hugged, we kissed, we fought. It could have been better. But it wasnt. I told him I freaked out with him moving more stuff and he said he cant understand why since we both want to be together, that should be our next step.

He said he knows he bought her presents, but cant remember what. It came up. That little thing hurt very much because it is definitely a lie, trying to avoid to...hurt me? It's BS. He cant understand, that right now, there very few things that will hurt me more than how much I have been hurt in the past, except one:lies...

I told him in an email I need transparency. I am obsessing and if he wants us together, he needs to help. I wont back off, I will not accept anything less. I will make a point about how serious I am about this tonight. I dont know how, I will think of something.

I am hurting over the fact that he was so intimate with her. Not sexually, not only sexually, more about the real connection and the effort he put into that relationship, effort I am not seeing now, connection I am not feeling.

Piecing after an A hurts like hell. Not sure why I am doing this. My stomach is killing me and my heart feels like it is bleeding. Its a constant numb pain. I trust it will go away, sometime...
K

[MichelleLT]

Sounds painful. But also sounds like you guys got some stuff out there. Which sounds mostly positive to me.

(((Maria)))

I am sorry you are hurting. I wish there was a quick fix.

You are doing this because you have hope it can be better than it was before.