Sorry you struggled yesterday with anger. I struggle with it sometimes as well and from what I have read it is a healthly emotion as long as it doesn't consume you.
I can still hear some of the anger in your post. I understand the frustration about your H not seeing your son for a week. However, your son is also his son correct? There are plenty of people on the board where the spouse doesn't even try to see the child/children very often. I know it is hard but your son also needs his father in his life. I grew up and my father was never in the picture. This is some of the FOO that I struggle with and am working to deal with.
I also understand the fun dad comment however, I think time with your son no matter how it looks is really good for your son. I have to keep thinking in my mind what is the best thing for my sons. As much as I would like to have full custody of my sons it isn't in their best interest. My sons need their mom in their life even if she hasn't made good choices in our R/M.
Hopefully someday they will see the pain that caused to those around them. For the time being keep your head high and be the better person. You can't control your H but you can control you.
Glad to hear you went to the gym and channeled your frustration vs. getting in a fight with H.
Anytime he does something like this just think if him being around your son is the best thing for your son. Even if it is fun dad time I personally feel it is important that he is trying to be a part of your sons life. If the last minute request is what really bothers you then set boundaries around that vs. around him seeing your son at all.
M 33 | W 34 | Kids: S4, S3 M: 5/28/05 Bomb: 8/22/09 EA: 8/1/09 | PA 12/26/09 W L: 10/21/09 M L: 11/16/09 | 12/09 to file SA W & Boys Move Out: 3/14/10
Well I felt like I got kicked in the stomach today. I received an e-mail from my lawyer stating that my W would like to sell her engagement ring and wedding band so she has some cash to move out. The rings together cost around 20k when they were purchased.
It just feels so cold to me that my W could get rid of them so easily. Another hurdle in the processing of emotions.
M 33 | W 34 | Kids: S4, S3 M: 5/28/05 Bomb: 8/22/09 EA: 8/1/09 | PA 12/26/09 W L: 10/21/09 M L: 11/16/09 | 12/09 to file SA W & Boys Move Out: 3/14/10
Thank you for responding and putting the time into it. You know what.........you are right. It was nice to hear from a man's perspective. You're right my son does need that time with his dad. I should be thankful that he does want to be involved in his life. Yes, it is his biological son. We just have the one child. He is 2.5 years old. We do need to set up a schedule it's been said for about two years....doing a good job of procrastinating I'm aware. I'm being selfish. I want him all the time but know that isn't good for my son. I need to think of him. he needs his father also.
Kemper ----
I'm sorry to hear that. It must've been a blow to hear that news. I would feel the same way if I were you. Sounds very expensive wow .....how unfortunate. I absolutely adore my ring and even if it ends in divorce which is probably will I couldn't part with that ring. It's hurtful because it was such a strong symbal/representation of the marriage and she disregarded that so quickly....which is why you are struggling with it right?
Glad to hear that you are thinking about what your son needs. He does need his father in his life and I can understand the frustration you have with your H. However, your son can't be punished for your H actions.
As far as the rings go I think the thing that hit me the most is her conviction to sell them. Based on all the reading I have done most people regret their affairs and the damage they caused their family. Her actions to sell the rings makes me feel like she doesn't regret what she has done or is doing. It also makes me feel like if she did regret it in the future she wouldn't say anything since she already disposed of the two things that symbolized our R/M.
I am doing better with it today. It is her choice to do what she wants. It is my choice to continue moving forward focusing on myself and my boys.
M 33 | W 34 | Kids: S4, S3 M: 5/28/05 Bomb: 8/22/09 EA: 8/1/09 | PA 12/26/09 W L: 10/21/09 M L: 11/16/09 | 12/09 to file SA W & Boys Move Out: 3/14/10
Well I felt like I got kicked in the stomach today. I received an e-mail from my lawyer stating that my W would like to sell her engagement ring and wedding band so she has some cash to move out. The rings together cost around 20k when they were purchased.
It just feels so cold to me that my W could get rid of them so easily. Another hurdle in the processing of emotions.
That's kind of a kick in the pees. My gut is telling me she probably is just motivated by the prospect of the cash. She is in survival mode now. My W went through the same thing with our 401k and the money she assumed was "in" the house. Not as personal as the ring but the motivation was the same; get money now. She kind of had a rude awakening when reality set in that when you start carving things up the pieces get pretty small. The rings are a marital asset are you not entitled to 50%.
_________________________ Me-41 W-39 M-15 yrs T-17 yrs D-12 S-9 S-8 B 5/08 S 1/09
Engagement ring is considered a gift and not a marital asset. Wedding band is considered martial and they agree it would be an interim distribution. Still feels like a kick in the gut. I agree that she is probably going into survival mode and the prospect of money. I also think once she gets her portion of the 401k she will cash it out and do the same thing. Sad how people fail to look at the long term when all this is going on.
We will need to split assests and debts 50/50 which I don't know yet what that will look like given everything is in my name and my W doesn't have a job. Something for the L to figure out and the reason I am paying her as much as I am.
I was working on my Financial Affidavit today with my L and mentioned child care costs when my W goes back to work. My L said that with the cost of child care if my W couldn't get a job making more than 24k a year then it wouldn't be of much help to have her work. I am curious to see what this is going to look like. Not sure if I am going to end up support my W until the boys are in school even though she had an A. In our state if the dependent spouse has an A they are not entitled to alimony.
I should have a move-out agreement drafted this week and then on to the separation agreement. Once we get going on the separation agreement I will have a much better idea of what all this looks like.
Last edited by Kemper; 01/12/1009:52 PM.
M 33 | W 34 | Kids: S4, S3 M: 5/28/05 Bomb: 8/22/09 EA: 8/1/09 | PA 12/26/09 W L: 10/21/09 M L: 11/16/09 | 12/09 to file SA W & Boys Move Out: 3/14/10
I agree that she is probably going into survival mode and the prospect of money. I also think once she gets her portion of the 401k she will cash it out and do the same thing. Sad how people fail to look at the long term when all this is going on.