Bobbi Jo - try reading your "facts" post above, but instead of it being Dan, imagine it being your future son in law.
Thanks, Kerry. I have done that a few times, I would rather be stricken with a terminal illness than have Sydney go through that crap!
I know it is true, I have to keep remembering it is true. I think I am mourning the death of a dream, really. My vision/plan for the future. A lot of people and books say, it is like a death, and you have to deal with it that way. But I would argue that it is not the same as a death.
If Dan died, I would be devastated, of course! However if it happened while we were married/together, I would miss him as a loving husband who did not choose to leave me. And I would not be able to ever see him or talk to him, which is far different than the current situation. There would still be questions/what-ifs, etc, but he would literally be gone.
There is a song by Lady Antebellum called "Need You Now", about a couple who is broken up but reaches out to each other anyway...one line that sticks out to me is,
"Guess I'd rather hurt than feel nothing at all"....
And that is probably a part of it. If we are arguing then there is an emotion to feed off of, if we are trying to get back together (again) there are emotions with that, too. But to be almost-not-quite-divorced and still see each other and get along, that is such an awkward place to be.
Of course I haven't said any of this to Dan. The last thing he said about our M was two weeks ago when he said he would never be able to say he didn't want to be my husband or to have me for a wife....
I think I need to keep working on the no contact thing. Haven't tried to talk to him about anything since he left for Denver last Friday. The kids talk to him at night before bed and hand me the phone but I just say have fun and hang up. From now on I will just tell Nathan to hang it up.
