LIMBO NO MO!

[Serenity13]

(((GIMA)))

Maybe this will put a smile on your face today



Sipping Vodka

A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak.

After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done.

The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass.

If I start to get nervous, I take a sip."

So next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm.

Upon his return to his office after mass, he found the following note on the door:

1. Sip the Vodka, don't gulp.

2. There are 10 commandments, not 12.

3. There are 12 disciples, not 10.

4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.

5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his a$$.

6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.

7. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the Spook.

8. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the s**t out of him.

9. When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his a$$.

10. We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T."

11. When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said, "Take this and eat it for it is my body." He did not say "Eat me"

12. The Virgin Mary is not called "Mary with the Cherry,"

13. The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, yeah God.

14. Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter's, not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.

[givingitmyall]

(((GIMA)))

Maybe this will put a smile on your face today



Sipping Vodka

A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak.

After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done.

The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass.

If I start to get nervous, I take a sip."

So next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm.

Upon his return to his office after mass, he found the following note on the door:

1. Sip the Vodka, don't gulp.

2. There are 10 commandments, not 12.

3. There are 12 disciples, not 10.

4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.

5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his a$$.

6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.

7. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the Spook.

8. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the s**t out of him.

9. When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his a$$.

10. We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T."

11. When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said, "Take this and eat it for it is my body." He did not say "Eat me"

12. The Virgin Mary is not called "Mary with the Cherry,"

13. The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, yeah God.

14. Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter's, not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.

Thanks Serenity. I needed it.

[mishka422]

OMG Serenity!!! That was fabulously funny!! ROTFLMAO!

[Serenity13]

(((Mishka)))

I have had this for about 10 years (it was a forwarded email) and it never fails to crack me up each time I read it...

I figured it was time to spread a little sunshine on GIMA.

[givingitmyall]

(((Mishka)))

I have had this for about 10 years (it was a forwarded email) and it never fails to crack me up each time I read it...

I figured it was time to spread a little sunshine on GIMA.

And it was very much appreciated.

[givingitmyall]

Ok. No more time for sulking around.

Anyone have any recommended books for going through the D process, dealing with the children, dealing with finances, etc.?

I think I'm going to have to build a wing on my house for my self-help section.

Thanks guys.

[JKL2009]

Not to be glib, but maybe don't buy so many books? Seriously, you clearly are a voracious ready and that is a good thing, but maybe dial it back a bit and just sort of figure stuff out. You are a smart guy, a good thinker, so don't run right into the books. Don't forget, at the end of the day, those books are getting churned out to make the authors and publishers money more than any other reason.

[antlers]

Ok. No more time for sulking around.

Anyone have any recommended books for going through the D process, dealing with the children, dealing with finances, etc.?

I think I'm going to have to build a wing on my house for my self-help section.

Thanks guys.

'How To Talk So Children Will Listen and Listen So Children Will Talk', this was referred to me recently here...and it's good.

[Gardener]

Sipping Vodka

And a big round of applause for the lady who clearly deserves the much-prized Belly-Laugh of the Day Award!!

And, gima, thanks for Kipling. I needed to read that today.

[Awoken]

Karen recommended the Nolo Guide to Divorce. I've found it useful.
It's an Ebook.

I got hit by some grief too, and found the postings here, especially your Kipling, uplifing. Thanks as always GIMA.