That journey that was nicely summed up in a 5 minute read was actually days and months and a year of actual travel time, reached by one day, one hour and one minute at a time.
Here is the problem. I am not saying it did happen I'm not saying it didn't happen.
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talked to son last night and he talked about how they 'all' went to Target this weekend and OM got him lego.
Your son is six. I know that my boys when relaying a story get things mixed up. Your basing your reaction on the word of a six year old, who may not have gotten it all right. To him "they all" might mean his borther and his mother. It might mean his brother, mother OM sons and a giraffe.
Understand?
And you cannot press him, brother.
She might have been telling the truth she might not have. Sht man, they do lie, mostly to protect their integrity. Hahahahahahaha...I mean the perception of their integrity.
... You are going to go up and down on this. You are going to be set in stone and then change your mind.
Right now you don't know if you can do this because they (possibly, likely) went to the store together and he got them legos. And spent the weekend with him.
Buddy, you are unable to enforce your will on the situation right now. Not because you are not supposed to with MLC, but because of the distance.
Telling her what she can or canot do is a losing proposition. She will spite you.
If you are looking at my sitch and thinking perhaps I figured out some magic way of averting years off of this...I didn't. I was just lucky, hell my wife still has MLC, but it is like 2 foot swells instead of 40 foot waves.
I LRTed AFTER she saw my improvements, after she saw how much better I had become.
You have two six year old boys, and a wonderful wife, who went f-ing bonkers, and you don't think you can do this?
Wuss.
: )
I say how can you NOT try?
You're f-ing special right?
Whatever the odds, 1 in 1,000 or 1 in 1,000,000. You be that 1. Got it?
Despite everything that happened later, when I first got here, I KNEW that I was going to be the 1.
How about you?
You're not a quitter, 9 years of tough as hell medical school and residency...and this is what is going to make you fail? Some father who wasn't around for his daughter? This button is what makes Bradley fail?
Hrnmm...
Man, you can fail, thats fine. But do EVERYTHING you can first, have no regrets. Have no doubts that you did your damndest first. Understand?
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
yes, I think she spites the hell out of me right now.
I just felt like I had to at least say that she needed to bring the boys so they could be with me and not him this coming weekend.
do you not agree that at a certain point I had to put my foot down at least for the sake of my relationship with my boys-- and seeing them? she has essentially kept them at arms length for the last 6 months, dictating my contact with them and out of "respect for her space" I have not said anything yet.
I'm not so sure she would have come this weekend if I hadn't..uh told her to.
and do you not agree that it was appropriate to set boundaries that the OM cannot have contact with my kids? I mean its messed up and they are getting confused...
in retrospect, I see how these actions may backfire and push her away more... but I also am not sure I can just lie back and let her keep my boys from me, and have them spending time with him, perhaps setting up the stage for one big happy family-- without me.
I believe my words were, "I do not want my boys around that piece of shti loser."
You can try and set the boundaries...but what exactly are you going to be able to do when she ignores them?
Those boundaries right now are going to nothing but pi55 you off. And strangely...right now even if she followed your boundaries you aren't going to believe her.
Boundaries are a tough call. When you are piecing (trying to rebuild...both of you) they are vital needed and neccesary. Prior to that...when you are standing...they are just ways to pi55 you off because they get ignored and violated.
There is very little she will do because you said so.
Be smarter.
Instead of: "You will not have OM around our boys."
Try a more subtle tack: "I know this is all confusing right now, but maybe we can protect the boys from it. When they are older are they going to look at OM as the guy who stole mommy away from daddy?"
You can play low too...just be smart about it.
I know he said that. But you don't know how, did OM give him $20 for legos? Likely he was there B...but you do not know.
The monsters in your head are bigger than the real ones...the real ones suck bad enough. But they aren't having sex every night, even though in your head they are.
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but I also am not sure I can just lie back and let her keep my boys from me, and have them spending time with him, perhaps setting up the stage for one big happy family-- without me.
You live how many hours away? You are depending on her as the conduit to your boys. You have a choice to make, and you cannot blame her for the outcome of your choice.
She wanted to move, you said ok. Choice.
If you do not like the outcome of a choice make new choices.
Bear in mind however, that the only person you can control is you. Telling her to move back...not going to happen. So...
Reading it and typing it seems easy. I know it isn't. The easy choices...well they are easy. The hard choices; they define you.
Last edited by Jack_Three_Beans; 01/12/1006:54 PM.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
It seems pretty cut and dry. You say the job where you are now is a dead end. There is no cardiac opportunity where your W and kids are, but there is general surgery with some other good colleages. I would easily choose to be as close to my kids if I were you. Cardiac opportunity will surely come around again in the future, but for now, I would move mountains to be near my kids and possibly have an opportunity to save my marriage.
Cardiac opportunity will surely come around again in the future, but for now, I would move mountains to be near my kids and possibly have an opportunity to save my marriage.
this is actually not exactly true... once you give it up, you sortof give it up. its a bit of a bridge burner...
but I think I'm going to do it no matter what... but its going to be a space killer for w and it will make her unhappy since I will be there in town and now everyone will know, particularly if I am living somewhere else, that we have real problems... something she is happily hiding for now.. to some.
You live how many hours away? You are depending on her as the conduit to your boys. You have a choice to make, and you cannot blame her for the outcome of your choice.
She wanted to move, you said ok. Choice.
If you do not like the outcome of a choice make new choices.
yes. I you are right here... I need to make some new choices. one that will define me. Father.
I think I understand about burning the bridge on cardiac surgery - it is one of those specialties where you have to keep in continuous practice.
There is another surgeon who has been on these forums for several years. His screen name is faithisbelieving and he was in the MLC section for quite some time. His W is a witch. You probably have enough surgeon colleages as connections, but if not, his latest thread in surviving is here:
