So here I am again - I haven't be on this site much, for so many reasons, but in the past 2 years I did follow many of the advices I found in Michele's books and in a way they paid off. After my divorce I was devastated, I had no job, no home, no family. My W fell in love with some other guy, and despite we had 2 small children she kicked me out her house and I was on the street. When our kids were born I quit my job so my W could pursue her much better paid career. I became Mr mommy and in just few years it became very hard for me to step out of it. This took a huge toll on me and my self esteem - my W started to see me like a loser, and I was feeling like a loser. I tried to start a home business, unfortunately she never believed it could work, and in fact at the time wasn't really working, it took a lot of effort and few years to make it now fairly profitable, but this also, at the time, made me feel even more of a loser. One day(sort of speak), my W fell in love with this guy that was very successful so good looking and sweet and romantic and muscular and I don't remember what else she told me. She filed very fast for divorce, with no discussions allowed and I was out. With my butt on the street, my heart broken and zero self esteem I desperately tried to get back to my old job with no success and at the same time take care of my struggling home business as a possible backup plan. I started taking the few classes I could afford to be competitive again in my old job and slowly I started to get short time gigs that paid some bills: help here - help there. I have to thank my mom for her economic support she gave me in this two years - even if she is retired and in her 70! she made miracles. I kept doing Mr mom every time I could - pick up the kids from school, or have them to sleep in my tiny rented room so my W could go out with her fabulous date. I am thankful she needed this help so I could spend time with my kids that I adore. I also tried to go out a bit but not having one single friend it was more depressing then helpful. I tried to join some group of "desperate" people like me - less awkward then be alone, but I always felt very ashamed, being such a loser. I didn't really date since my divorce, but if you have someone that show appreciation for you, is a kind of boost that I do advice to anyone. The relation with my W during these time has been actually good we became sort of good friends - I do consider her my family. I think she treated me very unfairly but I also think I am responsible for my own destiny and I did put myself in such an unhealthy situation, specially with my job. Two years are passed - W on and off with the guy - He lost all the novelty and glamor, she tells me she doesn't want to merry him even if he is pressing to, because she can't have the relation she used to have with me (who knows the truth...) - but she doesn't want to leave him because she doesn't want to be alone. She says she misses to have a family, but she always said that... at the beginning I was like "let's try again" and the answer was always: no way - now I just listen and say that she is going to figure out what to do, because I think she is resourceful. I imply that I have my life anyway and her romantic swings don't affect me. Worked miracles for both, no tensions or expectations, it is what it is.
After two year of sacrifices and hard work and late night education I finally got a wonderful 6 figure job offer that I can't refuse - the only problem is that it is 350 miles from home - So I am going to have to move. To be away from my kids is a killer. I am happy I got this break, but I am also desperate for my kids. I never thought I could have these two emotions at the same time. I will probably fly back every week end, but they are used to see me daily and I don't even know how to break the news to them - AARGH.
