Keep Your Hands Offa My Mojo

[Gnosis]

Smiley, you're a military man. From my understanding, soldiers come up with a plan - even under the most difficult and dire circumstances. I may come across as callous to you, I don't mean to. You've shown yourself to be a creative being, with ingenuity with words. Take those skills and adapt them.

You CAN do this. You WILL find a way.

[CityGirl]

I am not sure if this is a viable option in your state as far as the law goes... can you assign a temporary guardian for your children (friend for example) if your wife is out of town and something would happen to you?

I made my sister my health care proxy in case I become very ill and unable to make medical decisions on my own. Technically my H is still my next of kin as we are legally separated and I did not want him involved at all. Is a similar option available to you regarding temporary guardianship?

I am not 100% sure about this but I *think* if minor children do have a next of kin that just happens to live far away they would not be wards of the state while the next of kin is traveling.

[aliveandkicking]

can you assign a temporary guardian for your children (friend for example) if your wife is out of town and something would happen to you?

Even someone an hour or two away could fulfill that role. No way you don't have friends who would at least pick them up if not more. If the kids don't know them, time for an introduction. You can handle it, it just sucks.

[nutfarmer]

STBXMRSSP also announced that she intends to seek less custody of the children overall, as the already-below 50% time she had previously indicated a desire for now is "just too demanding," what with her job situation.

Maybe she'll just have to pay some more child support to enable you to hire a sitter for those two nights a week.

[SmileysPerson]

6 months ago -- hell, 3 months ago -- if you had told me we'd be fighting over the kids, I'd have said you were nuts (no offense, @nutfarmer! ).

Well well well well well.

So after she bagged out of her agreement Sunday to handle the kids on M/W while I worked, she emailed this morning, all chipper 'n' sh!t, with this:

I will pick the kids up @ your house @ 6:30, ok?

"So what's that about, Person?" I will explain.

We had agreed in September that, if she took M/W, even though Tuesdays are generally "her" night, that I would pick the kids up on Tues and feed them before they went to Mom's house, so that she didn't have leave work early 3 days in a row.

You know, one of those nice, cooperative, "co-parent"y things.

So, being a bit of an a**, I drew a boundary this morning. I wrote this:

"No, it's not OK. You can pick them up at child care. That agreement was predicated on the earlier understanding that you would pick them up on M/W so that I could work. You unilaterally canceled that on Sunday. So I see no reason to fulfill my end of the bargain."

Her response, calling my bluff:

"I will be there at 6:30."

To which I responded, "You can be anywhere you like at 6:30. I won't be there. I don't know where the kids will be. Tonight is your custody night, so I'm sure you'll figure something out."

And off she went to the attorney.

Now the "funny" thing is, I have repeatedly said we need to go to a counselor together, not because there's even the remotest chance for our M, but because from my POV it is essential that we clear out whatever resentment, anger, unfinished business there exists between us in order to insulate the parenting from them.

Her reply has repeatedly been to suggest that this is a preposterous idea, and that I must be nuts for even suggesting it (again, sorry @nutfarmer).

Maaannnn, how I hate being right.

[Kettricken]

I repeat my question about California law and the existence or lack of a system for temporary custody/parenting agreements. Is there any way you can get *something* nailed down official-like toot sweet?

Because the uglier and nastier this gets, guess who's gonna suffer?

[SmileysPerson]

O I know, @kett. There is a plan that is court-enforceable. I expect that's what the attorneys are working on now. Really unbelievable -- both of us used to say how lucky we were that we agreed on the kids. But this business of lowering her custody percentage -- I can't begin to tell you how nauseous that makes me. When I would say "she's a stranger to me" I didn't mean it literally. But now? I literally don't know who that woman is.

[mindfull]

I wonder what she sees when she looks into the eyes of those two cutiepies!

[hoosiermama]

Yeah, that "stranger" thing--pretty universal. also pretty creepy; sometimes it makes you wonder what on earth you didn't see for the past (fill in the blank) number of years you were together. can also make you feel like you can't trust your own judgment, which can be a little scary too.

I seriously think they should consider a DSM-IV category for midlife crisis (or whatever the h*ll this stuff is) because it's such a syndrome, so many predictable pathologies. With a diagnosis code, maybe it might be viewed as the devastating process that it is--and not the subject of jokes. And maybe even some treatment, if a medical model is used. Personally, I'd vote for electroconvulsive therapy.

[v1olin]

You are not alone in these feelings Smiley!