What it sounds like IMHO is that you have been doing a lot more of the same. You need to change tactics. You've identified what doesn't work. So how about trying some 180's to maybe find something that does?
From this most recent post it sounds like you feel smothered, criticized, confused (because she says one thing and does another), and generally frustrated and under attack yourself. I would suggest that the reintegration process often carries these and many other feelings that you just have to sort out slowly one at a time. My husband and his buddies have been deployed twice (possibly going to be three times before this year is over). The absolute worst thing you can do when they (or a WAS) return is to assume everything goes back to the way it was. It is never the way it was; it can be better though if you can be patient and learn to mesh. It's sometimes a good thing - you get a new chance to start with your spouse.
undefeated 24 H 24 S's 4, 2, 1 M 5 yrs
"Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no hope at all." ~Dale Carnegie
