I got a lot of hard, perhaps needed, advice - thanks! I was asked to better describe the problems I perceive.

Problem 1: MC hasn't been possible because our MC wanted to work on communication skills, but my W wasn't biting. We would use the skills to discuss problems, she would get emotionally overwhelemed (even with the MC) or feel that she was being attacked (she wasn't), etc. So she decided counselling was a waste of time.

Originally Posted By: undefeated
No one is "just" a homemaker. She probably has a lot of interests and thoughts. Sure, they may not be intellectually stimulating to you, but they are important to her. I'm very "intellectual" myself, and often am surrounded by people very unlike me. It's nice when I can talk to someone of a like mind. But that doesn't necessarily make a happy marriage either. It sounds appealing, doesn't it, to meet someone who is on the same brain wave, is in the same intellectual bracket as ourselves. But just because the people in our lives don't share our passions doesn't invalidate theirs.


Problem 2: She misunderstands me a lot, so I find it hard to have much deep communication with her at all. Example: Her email wasn't working after I had installed a parental filter on the computer...her conclusion was that I screwed up her Hotmail account, even though the rest of the internet sites are fine.

Problem 3: She doesn't do the family friend thing, so I can't get much there to make up for our losses.

Problem 4: She wants me home right after work, so I can't develop much there, either.

Problem 5: If I spend time reading at this website or others, she sees it like and EA! When I open my notebook, her face changes...

Quote:
A personality divide...I've never heard it quite like that before. My H is a complete computer freak - hardware and software. He could hack my computer and I'd never know it. He knows things most of us (unless there are some other computer fiends on this board) would never even dream up. I know very, very little about computers.

I, on the other hand, am a fairly gifted writer. I am published and intend to take it a lot further. My husbands only talent with language is in Binary. We come from two totally different places! We are so different it is amazing to me sometimes.

The point is, you don't have to find someone who likes everything you do, thinks the way you do, etc. It's up to you to find common ground and enjoy your differences as complementary rather than adversarial.


Problem 6: She fought to continue through school because there weren't any schools in her area. I expected someone who values learning. I was wrong - she values independence despite her choosing to be very dependent (in a needy way at times).

Problem 7: To know binary is to know language (same brain skill...different language). My W has a different way of seeing the world though, so a lot of what she sees is coloured differently making common ground harder to find. A more open mind on my side would help...I'll work on that. Our only really common interest has been the kids, but talking about things is hard beacause she feels she's always being attacked.


Does this help clarify? I'll add more a bit later (off to work!)