Is this piecing?

[Freckle6]

I will tell him that if he is ok with friends, this is what I will do.

IMO, you shouldn't tell him anything. 2 reasons. 1st, it's R talk. 2nd, it means nothing when you tell someone about a behavior change. I'll second what Will said about believing nothing they say... Goes both ways. Though you can *show* him you're backing off the "win him back" mode.

Maybe the attitude he was picking up on when you were acting as if you were together was that you had confidence and contentment in your life. That you felt at peace with everything (at least as peaceful as you can feel when your life is in a tornado). He probably doesn't know that you were acting as if you were a couple and that is why you gave off those kinds of vibes, but he picked up on them and they made him want to be included in some things.

Now, and it doesn't necessarily mean that this is all because you're putting out different vibes, he's feeling pressure and expectations that he can't live up to. A good bit of it may be everything swirling around his head and he's projecting it onto you. It's just important now for you to try your hardest to have zero expectations of him and to work on detaching.

To be honest, the things that you've posted that your husband has said concerns me. Is this a new personality trait or has he always been this verbally volatile? As far as your S and what a divorce would mean for him? If it's a contest between a D or an intact home where your H flies off the handle at you, a D is far healthier for your son (and for you too).

As someone who grew up in a home with very unhappily married parents where there was lots of yelling and fighting, it was terrible. To hear the two people you love the most and who you depend 100% on scream at each other and say not nice things about the other is terrifying as a child. You feel torn and put in the middle and that your home, a place where you should feel safe and comfortable and loved, is really a minefield because you never know if mom and dad will be nice to each other today or if they're going to argue which means you hide in your room so you don't get caught in the crossfire.

That's not a home you want your son to spend his childhood in. And as a boy, he will learn that it's ok to be like that towards women--to you to his future girlfiends and wife. I'm glad you guys are in counseling and that you know your H's behavior is verbally abusive. Whatever happens, know that a happy and stable home is best for you and your son. Hopefully your H will be a part of creating that for you both, but if not, IMO, a divorce is the far lesser of evils than a volatile home with an unhealthy marriage.

More hugs Hope.