Separated, new baby, but still hopeful

[P17]

If he tells you he wants to D then okay, you'll handle it. Hiding from it isn't going to change his mind is it?

Sorry, but what is the point of DBing then?

I think you misunderstand me.

What I was saying is that hiding from him telling you isn't going to change his mind. All you are doing then is running away from his 'talk' with you. If he has made up his mind, running away won't change it ... IYSWIM

The point of DBing is to make sure that he has as difficult a time as possible making up his mind! Two different things.

I didn't make up the advice of not talking about the relationship.

I know. It's in the DB books but the books say YOU don't talk about it. It says that if THEY want to talk about it then let them, validate etc.

Yeah fear. Comes and goes, I wonder what it would be like if S was 3 or 8 or 13 and not 6 months old. If you guys get tired of me I understand but I'm not doing nothing, I am implementing distance and/or mystery. I am doing it this whole month and monitoring results.

Newmama, we are far from tired of you. You are the positive light in this forum for me. You are always upbeat, positive and moving forward. You seem to be the one who is handling their sitch with a smile on their face every day.

The fear is there is us all. We all hide and run away from it. Some days are better than others. Some days we say we can handle the truth. Some days we'd rather hide under the duvet. But we all know that running away from the truth is fear and that's not a good or adult thing to do ... it doesn't stop any of us doing it though. We're all human.

If you are happy with the course you are taking then that is all that matters. We are just here offering advice and suggestions. Just like you do with us. I really appreciate every single person who replies to me as they have taken a few minutes out of their day to give me their experience and help for nothing. That is really special for me.

P, what do you mean

Understood. But at least he has talked about it. Many WAS's (mine included) don't.

Are you trying to be comforting that "at least" my WH has talked about divorce and yours hasn't? Just clarifying!

LOL ... No. I was actually talking about the other things. The OW etc. Okay they may not be the best topics to bring up but my W has said pretty nothing since she left. Other than a letter dated in August where she put down the problems for her (some of them are relevant but most of the letter I now realise is lies because of the A) I know nothing about what she saw as lacking in the marriage. As she is a person who hides behind a happy persona there could be nuclear war and you wouldn't know if she was upset. Your H at least feels he CAN talk to you. The topics weren't great but at least he did.

tonight I was distant physically but not too mysterious:
I left for "class" within 10 minutes after WH arrived. He asked if I was making dinner when I got back or...? I reminded him that I had leftovers in the fridge.
(remember it doesn't really start for 2 weeks and I just lied b/c I didn't have another reason to leave)

LOL ... good good. He is a big boy. He can make his own dinner. He has a cook at his 'other' home.

I decided to actually drive to the place so I know where it is and I did some grocery shopping. I talked to a friend on the phone while in the store.
When I came back, it was 7:40 and WH stays until 8. WH had left the Mexican food out on the counter and told me he saved it in case I was still hungry. I was! I had grocery bags and lied and said the teacher was sick so I did some shopping.

That's DBing. Little lies are okay. And he was thinking about you ... an act of service.

I know the exchange of conversation was not part of my plan to be distant, but he sure seemed happy to talk to me- and while we were in the kitchen I caught a weird de ja vous vibe of old times...

Slow down Newmama. I got EXACTLY the same vibes from W when she was here. Standing in the kitchen like old times while she told me about problems with work etc. I got quite a few 2x4's in here for reading too much into it. Just accept that it was a nice personal time and let it go at that. He may well be just normalising. When he is talking to you like that, remember where he goes home to and you will hopefully check yourself that while it's nice to have that time, it feels a little weird.

Maybe I'm out of line for suggesting it, but if it happens to me again that is what I will be thinking.