Why are you selling the house and why would you not include her in the process. If she put a for sale sign out in the front yard without you knowing it, would you not have to step in and ask her not to make decisions for her?
Am I missing something here or are you fighting her bats*it crazy with your own?
And for the icing on MY f'n cake, the other realtor that shared the same office as my realtor, chimes in after about 10 min and says to me, "You know, xxxxxx, you're such sweet, nice man, and you are so good looking too! Your W is crazy and she doesn't deserve a man in her life like you.... you've a beautiful home, great career and a terrific personality, You do know that there is an absolutely gorgeous, smart young woman working here and you are exactly her type!". "Her name is xxxxx, she so gorgeous, most men won't even approach her to ask her out, come back tomorrow, I'll tell her you're coming and just ask her out for lunch, or coffee. I know this woman well and I know you two would really enjoy each others company."
I will never tire of these ego boosts,,, and I just post these incidences to underscore that what I am doing for myself and my esteem is working! Its confidence and directness,,, I went there with 4'Cs, on a mission to get work done. People see it, W has too as well, but probably too stubborn to give in to it... her loss.. I'm not going to be a D1ck about it to her, but, I have to acknowledge that its no coincidence...
DD
H50 W44 M17 yrs S15 D11 D10 Bomb 4/09 Trial separation/moved out 9/09 Moved back in 12/29/09
Why are you selling the house and why would you not include her in the process. If she put a for sale sign out in the front yard without you knowing it, would you not have to step in and ask her not to make decisions for her?
Am I missing something here or are you fighting her bats*it crazy with your own?
Burt
DBURT:
The house is solely titled and mtg'd in my name alone... So I legally don't need her approval, although Im sure the Ls will get involved, but I wanted it on the market before I got served. She filed for D, has refused mediation,,, this is now adversarial...
W and I had an agreement that when we bought it (she picked it out) That I would pay the mtg, and W would pay the utilities... She has had a 10k raise in her job this year and has not contributed to much else than the few utilities she agreed (about $700/month).. W buys for herself and spoils herself with spas, nails, hair, clothes, maid service, pool service etc.... When I decided that W should pay her own bills W went nuclear, cancels much of the utilities and tells me I need to put them in my name by 1/15... Ok, I'll do that but I cannot sustain the house on my own income without leaving me with a few coins afterwards..
In informal talks with her these past few months we both agreed that neither of us could manage the house on our individual incomes. and that if we did D we'd have to sell it. (not much equity, probably sell for a wash).. so it was a known that at the conclusion of the D the house would be put up for sale... I just hurried that piece of the situation along.... I'm letting her know that I'm done (the I get it speech). Creating crisis, now she really will have to move out, now W has to think seriously about moving out by herself and all that goes with it..
As a side note, my L stated that if we did both stay in the home, the Judge would most likely set the financial liabilities for each of us until the D was final. So I would get some relief,,, I'm certain W thinks I will have to pay for everything (as per her bully L), but that is not the case.. putting the home for sale,,This is also something she would never expect me to do (180)
AND my realtor told me that if anything in my situation changes she can take it off the market. I have it for sale BUT if I don't get close to my asking price, I don't have to accept the offer.. so at the price the realtor is asking, I decide if it sells or not... If it does sell at the asking, I still would have a profit.
If we D I'm going into a rental for a while anyways, so the end game for me is still the same... W thinks she will get to keep the house,,, L says its a pipe dream for her...I know her income, and I agree..
DD
H50 W44 M17 yrs S15 D11 D10 Bomb 4/09 Trial separation/moved out 9/09 Moved back in 12/29/09
All sounds great on paper!!! Now, if only she will react according to plan...
Just have to tell ya... I HAD a goal once. To stop using the f word so much... I mean. Come ON! I'm a WIFE, MOTHER OF THREE, a PROFESSIONAL for God's sake, a CHRISTIAN SCHOOL BOARD MEMBER, a darn fun-lovin' blonde! Doesn't fit, right?
Had to give up the goal.
Sometimes F just FITS -
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
W gets home and I wait 30 min before approaching her. I tell her we need to talk, go away from the kids and give her the "I get it speech", she seems unfazed just nods and says ok, I tell her we need to talk with the kids to let them know whats happening,, they have experienced a lot with no definitive info from W or I. I also ask her if she still intends to move out 2/1, because the home is now up for sale and on the market and she needs to prepare for that.
W just nods, has an "ok whatever attitude". I leave with my S for dinner.
While driving we talk about school and such and I ask my S15 if he's ok or has any questions. My S confided to me that he had some concerns about what will happen/where will he be in 2 yrs. Heis unsure what will happen if W and I D.. I reassure him that I will still love him, be there for him and be with him.. that will not change..same with the D12/11.. I tell him no matter what happens, he, Ds and me will be just fine. He asks what about W, I reply, I hope she will be also, but that is up to her to do.. I reinforce how each person is responsible to make themselves happy and you can't force that on people...
We talk some more and I stay up beat and offer encouragement for him to concentrate on where he wants to go in his life..... A very good F/S conversation...
We get back 2 hrs later, I tell W we need to talk again and go away from kids. I let her know S concerns, he is nervous and reiterate the need to speak with them soon... I notice W has been drinking and is probably 4 drinks in... This is where I goofed, I should know better than to try and talk with a drunk,, W asks is that all, and I bring up the bills and tell her that she needs to contribute more than she has , unless she intends on moving out... W says she needs a few weeks, then is unsure when, then states that she will stay until the D is final... then W says, I'll let you know after I speak with my L. W rolls her eyes laughs and says is that all, I tell her yes and I'll see you tomorrow at the MC..
So W leaves and goes on her computer,, I see she has removed the "married" status from her face book profile and has been looking up our realtor..
I know she will try to retaliate some how.. this is getting old.
I'm standing my ground, being firm... this is pissing off the W. She is not accustomed to me with my new mindset..
DD
H50 W44 M17 yrs S15 D11 D10 Bomb 4/09 Trial separation/moved out 9/09 Moved back in 12/29/09
remember good=bad, and bad=good, believe nothing they say and only 50% of what they do.
I know this and am aware of this... I'm going to be ok and am doing ok,,, it just appears that this is headed towards a D regardless of what I do... That happens and DB is not 100%. I see attitude shifts from the W and pull backs and aggression,, its frustrating,, but I have settled on my plan and will continue with it.... I actually told the W before she went to bed that I'm not trying to be argumentative or be a d!ck about this, I don't agree but I'm simply accepting the fact she wants out and am being practical about the issues..
DD
H50 W44 M17 yrs S15 D11 D10 Bomb 4/09 Trial separation/moved out 9/09 Moved back in 12/29/09
This is the 2X4 that had to hit me several times. Your wife is gone as you knew her, the only chance you have is to DB.
Remember it is ultimately for you, not her, and it is only over when you want it to be over. I am experiencing very similar things, nothing is logical. So, I quit trying to apply it.
YOU WILL BE OK, YOU WILL MAKE IT. Tell yourself this over and over, and believe it.
