Yeah, I wish I was better at it. Here I thought I was doing so great the past month. If I was a great DBer I'd just never talk to him or be around when he's with S. I could do so much better with that.
I guess at this point my only thought is to reiterate to him that I have no "agenda" and that nobody knows where this is going, not even me. That is the truth. For months I was trying to get him back, but I've become aware of his verbally abusive tendencies and this has me thinking D would not be the worse thing for me - my concern is that it would be the worse for S5.
I will tell him that if he is ok with friends, this is what I will do. Frankly, this is still a big step for me as without DB I would simply still be begging for him back! But I do need to go "more dark" even though at this point it all feels so hopeless that he will come back and desire me once again. But the theory goes, if you pull back enough, that actually helps spurn desire. I hope I have the courage to do such a thing.
Any more thoughts/advice?
And the pattern before we all got along so well? I pretend "as if" we are still together. I know this may be backfiring on me now as he feels pressure. But for me it helps with the anxiety around our separation and helps me just be myself.
