Feeling so hopeless. Starting to think that H loves the separation and his new found freedom. He has no responsibilities with the housework, and I'm sure he loves it. I've been in school for a little over a year now. Therefore, most nights he would take care of kids, dinner, homework, and sometimes clean-up. Now I'm doing that all by myself. Therefore, that is why I think he loves the separation. I just wish he would come home, I really do miss him, but I can't even tell him that without him getting mad.
I'm starting to feel guilty for the things I've said to him in the past. 4 years ago when I told him I didn't love him anymore, he is still so upset about that and I had no idea he bottled that up for so long. In addition, in his mind, he feels like I kicked him out on 12/3/09 (I thought it was a mutual agreement), which he takes as the same as me not telling him I love him anymore.
The rollercoaster ride is so hard. One moment I'm ready to do the DB'ing the next I'm ready to end the M. As stated before, I'm a "fixer", so maybe that is why this is so hard for me to see any hope. Moreover, I’m a very impatient person.
Just getting my thoughts down, but any advice on my stitch is always welcome, and greatly needed (-:
Together 16 years Married 12 years Me 36 H 34 D9 & S6 Separated 12/3/09
Together 16 years Married 12 years Me 36 H 34 D9 & S6 Separated 12/3/09 Confirmed A 1/25/10 Exposed A 1/26/10 H hired L, but not filed yet 1/27/10
